TheCage

The Cage! Sex. It’s something I roast my readers for never having. How rude of me. To be fair, though, should you really take the judgments of a man named The PornDude to heart? Probably not. But the truth can hurt no matter where it’s coming from. Despite all these years of tearing you fucks up, I finally admit that sex is possible for you. In fact, I’m sure a few of you are having sex right this moment. I tend to do that to people.

These aren’t your typical, everyday sexual experiences that my readers are having, though. I hate to say it, but regular sex with regular women is still out of the question for you fucks. You’re not picking up some college floozy at the bar and taking her back to your mom’s basement anytime soon. So it would be best to remove that fantasy from your mind this instant to avoid future disappointment.

But as I said, there’s an option for you, and it’s called the fetish community. The fetish community is one of the most open and accepting groups on the planet. They beat church any day of the week. As long as you’re not a sketch ball, your local fetish community will accept you for who you are with open arms.

Fat Loser Fetish

It makes sense why the fetish community would avoid judging their fellow man. Some of these motherfuckers are into some twisted shit. Can a man who shit his diapers last night judge a man for being fat, ugly, and living in his mom’s basement the next morning? Certainly not. These are your people. All the things you hate yourself for are positive traits to at least one slut.

It might not seem feasible, but some whores have a loser fetish. All the things that make you the piece of shit you are can turn on certain bitches as much as they disgust others. Now, are those bitches as common as those that find you appalling to look at? Fuck no. Not by a long shot. Women who find your addiction to microwave pizza appealing are few and far between.

While they do exist, bitches like that are so rare you’ll never find them while going about your everyday life, especially since you don’t travel farther than the gas station to re-up on more frozen pizza. You’ll have to put in maximum effort to get laid.

The internet is the key to your success. Fetish communities use the internet to meet each other, schedule events, exchange tips and tricks, share war stories, and introduce new people to the life. It’s the perfect place for perverted motherfuckers to fellowship outside of the public’s prying eyes.

While generally accepting, the fetish community is private and tight-knit. They don’t enjoy interlopers trying to spy on the activities of its members. You have to ingratiate yourself to them to prove yourself trustworthy and genuine. You guys are nothing if not genuinely losers.

One of the best digital fetish hangouts is The Cage. While some sites are blogs, dating sites, or events calendars, The Cage is all those things and more. It’s your one-stop shop for everything niche.

The main menu will give you an idea of how expansive the place is. Its options are Home, Day and night mode toggle, Help, Sign in, Sign up, Blogs, Forum, Magazine, Members, Contacts, Personals, Events, Podcasts, Chat rooms, and Online now.

The rest of the front page is broken into blocks that showcase all the primary functions of The Cage. Examples of blog posts, forum posts, this month’s event calendar, audio clips, magazine articles, podcast episodes, and personal ads are all included.

There are no dark unused portions of The Cage. Every aspect is thriving and has plenty of activity because nothing was built as an afterthought. The whole site has been lovingly crafted and well maintained. The Cage’s admin is passionate about the fetish lifestyle. These aren’t weekend warriors. They live breath and fuck the freaky life.

I want to take a peek at every category of the site, starting with the blog. “Skip to the Loo My Darling” is a classic example of a The Cage blog post. The author explains that she has lived alone for a while and got used to leaving her vibrator in the bath after taking one of her frequent “showers,” if you catch my drift.

Your Mom Loves to Cum

On Easter, her twenty-three-year-old son swung by to say hello, check for eggs, and use the loo. The son is kind enough to ask if he can use the facilities, and she responds, “Sure, you don’t need to ask.” But, little did she know, he did need to ask because he walked in and got an eye full of his mom’s favorite sex toy. At least he wasn’t twelve.

The forum is similar to the blog but more regimented. It’s split into thirteen categories: Absolute beginners, Technical support, Generally speaking, Femdom, Maledom, Gay BDSM, Lesbian BDSM, Fetish, Transgender and nonbinary, Equipment and toys, Untied, Lifestyle BDSM, and Just for fun.

The forum is the heart of The Cage and a great place to hang out for both newbies and fet vets alike. You’ll learn a ton and perhaps even make a friend or two.

The magazine is another informative section of the site. It’s split into Information and resources, Erotica and confessions, and Advice and tips. Those who are just starting their fetish journeys will find a shit ton of helpful information here.

BDSM 101 will teach you everything you need to know to not look like an idiot your first time out. If anyone should be well-informed on topics of sex, it’s my readers. Sex is all you think about. Now go out there and make me proud.

The events calendar on The Cage is always full. Talking about kinks is all fun and dandy, but you have to get together as a group if you’re going to turn words into action. Some of the events are akin to fetish TED talks. These are for the truly dedicated that are constantly honing their craft. Most are streamed online so that members all over can join in on the fun.

Other events are for members to get together and have a “good time.” An example is the poker game happening in Dallas, Texas, only a few days away from when I’m writing this article.

There’s no lack of podcasts on The Cage as with the real world. It’s perhaps to be my favorite part about this site. There are so many aspects to the life that there could be unlimited podcasts created on the subject.

The show KinkyCast is a great place to start listening. Host Woody provides a no holds barred journey into the world of kink. After living the lifestyle for over twenty-five years, the man knows what he’s talking about.

The Perverted Podcast is another favorite of mine. It takes a more humorous approach and covers topics such as kinky sex, mental health, and building better relationships and play scenes. Prepare to be both entertained and informed. They warn you that you will be offended, so leave your clutching pearls at home. It’s hosted by power couple Count Boogie and Kathy, meaning you can get a perspective from both the male and female sides.

Many adult members of the fetish community are fans of the old radio show Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla. Yes, there were other iterations of the show, but Dr. Drew and Adam Corrola’s version was the best. Those Loveline fans will love “Kuldrins Krypt, a BDSM 101 Podcast.”

Host Kuldrin has over twenty-five years of experience in the BDSM community and mental health field. As BDSM becomes more mainstream, he strives to keep people safe and knowledgeable. Unfortunately, there’s a ton of misinformation that could get people hurt. He debunks all that garbage and gives you the truth from a man who has lived it.

The Cage is one of the best resources for members of the fetish community, new and old alike. I haven’t found a site that’s both as informative and entertaining. You can learn about the life, meet people, find events, get questions answered, and find a partner all in one place.

The magazine and podcasts will have you laughing one minute and taking notes the next. The admin is dedicated to the site. This is a labor of love for them, and it shows. Every aspect of the site has been tenderly crafted and regularly updated.

I struggle to come up with ways for The Cage to improve. They don’t shove ads down your throat, the site functions appropriately, and there’s enough content to keep you busy for hours. The only thing it’s missing is some good old-fashioned porn.

I can’t recommend The Cage anymore. If you are a fetishist but not on The Cage, I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing with your life.