Heavy R Amputee

As you may or may not know, I've been working with Elon Musk to develop the Tesla Sex Robot. It's still a ways away from production, but I can tell you now that it will be perfect. If you own one, you may never want to fuck a bitch again.

TSR Features

The Tesla Sex Robot will feature a dynamic pussy that changes shape with each thrust, realistic stimuli response, and a poly plastic skin that is soft, pliable, and warm. You won't be able to tell the difference between the bot and a real woman, even from up close.

The flesh comes complete with pores, hair follicles, and veins. When you spank or whip areas such as the booty and back, the skin responds by becoming red a welted. You'll feel like you need to double-check you're not raping a sleepy chick.

Best of all, this bitch fucks back. The Tesla Sex Robot comes with motors in the core and hips that allow her to thrust and wiggle on your cock. Anal sex with this bitch is a blast because she isn't full of shit. Anal is nice and all but boy, do I hate poop. Nothing is worse than pulling out and discovering your manhood is doused in last night's dinner.

I haven't even mentioned the mouth yet. 'What that mouth do' is being kept a secret until release. Let's just say that it will blow your top off. Honestly, it may bring about the extinction of man because dudes are going to completely retire from fucking real cunts.

As one could expect, getting access to all these features isn't going to be cheap. The Tesla Sex Robot will cost an arm and a leg, so you better start saving up the allowance your mom gives you right away. Trust me. This baby will be worth every penny you spend on her.

You'll be happy to know that I convinced Elon to create an affordable base model for some of my less privileged masturbators out there. He didn't want to do it at first. He had always envisioned it as an elite and expensive product. He didn't want to cheapen the feel and dispense a shitty product, so I showed him a way to both keep the price down and the quality up.

The key was to skip adding on the arms and legs. The torso is where all the action lives, so let those that live in golden castles have their limbs while guys like you and me stick to where the orifices roam. Well, actually, not guys like me. I'll be receiving free versions of all Tesla Sex Robots for life as part of my compensation.

The torso will still have many of the features of the elite limbed model, but for a much lower price. Costs have not been released yet, but I'll be sure to let you guys know when it happens. In the meantime, let me introduce you to the human version of a cheap Tesla Sex Robot, the nugget.

Go ahead and take a moment to guess what a nugget may be if you don't already know. Unless you're a dumb ass with a child's reading comprehension levels, you should have picked up that it's a bitch with no arms or legs.

You Should Fuck Badly Burned Retarded Paralyzed Burn Victims

I've suggested my readers go after many types of abnormal women in the past, including Midgets, The retarded, The wheelchair-bound, Dead bitches, and Burn victims. Those are all great options, but nuggets might be the best suggestion yet.

Why? Well, first, they are easy to transport. Nuggets are the perfect women if you have a long commute to work or do a lot of traveling. They fit easily into your carry-on baggage, so you don't have to buy them a ticket.

For them, escape is impossible. When rolling on the ground is your primary means of ambulation, you won't be known for your speed, and if one tries to get away from you can pick them up by the head.

Plus, if you get tired of picking them up, you can booby trap the house. I'd love to see a limbless bitch try to traverse a hallway greased up with oil and covered in tacks and broken glass.

I know what you're thinking. You think you'll be too freaked out at the sight of a nugget to put your dick in her—that's why you must start your training today by watching nugget porn on Heavy-R.

When I first heard the name Heavy-R, I thought someone had started a porn site centered around obese retarded people. Even The Porndude thought that was a bit fucked up, and I just got done explaining a scenario where I imprison a bitch with no arms or legs in a cage of tacks and broken bottles. I'm a damn savage.

While I wouldn't be surprised if some fat retarded people make it into the Heavy-R archives, the site is far from a one-trick pony. Heavy-R has some of the most hardcore porn you'll ever find.

The design on Heavy-R is simple but effective. It comes with an extensive menu that includes two sections. The first carries the options Search bar, Sign up, Log in, Upload, Home, Videos, Pics, Categories, Live cams, Mr. Porn Geek, Sex Games, and Meet n Fuck. 

The second menu lists the most popular tags, including Amateur, Anal, Asian, Ass, BDSM, Big dick, Big tits, Creampie, Double penetration, Fisting, Hardcore, Lesbian, MILF, Shemale, and More. 

Content on the front page or resulting from any search can be filtered by Most relevant, Most recent, Most viewed, and Top-rated. As you can see, finding content on Heavy-R is a fucking dream. I wish every porn site made it so simple.

Using What God Gave You

It's time to take a peek at some of the content on Heavy-R, starting with "Amputee Jerking Off." This video doesn't feature a nugget, or any women for that matter. Regardless, I had to talk about it because it made me shit my pants in fear of ever losing my limbs.

The star of the show is a guy with no arms that has old-school prosthetics using two closable metal hooks. That's about the last thing I want to jerk my penis off with, but he appears to be very cognizant of that fact as he gingerly strokes his cock.

Because two hooks clamping down on your johnson can't feel great, he added a ball holster to the mix. It sort of looks like an oversized padlock you might find on the door of a municipal shed or some shit. It's large enough that it may even vibrate.

Speaking of vibrations, why doesn't this guy just use a fleshlight. It's the twenty-first century, for fucks sake. We have solutions for this kind of problem. His hooks could easily hold on to a fleshlight, and if they can't, I bet Fleshlight would make him one that can. They're nice guys over there.

Moral of the story, I wish this guy the best, and I pray I never end up in this situation. Godspeed, good sir.

Are Nuggets Not Weird Enough?

Alright, I've got another weird one for you titled "Toothless Amputee Smears Herself." This bitch also isn't a full nugget, but she's as close as you can get since she is missing both legs, one arm, and all of her teeth. If nothing else, I'm sure this bitch gives excellent head.

At first, I thought this bitch was smearing her own shit all over herself, but from what I can tell, it appears to be a mixture of instant mashed potatoes, powdered gravy mix, ranch dressing, mayo, and an assortment of sides from Kentucky Fried Chicken. The only thing I can think to say is, "Why?"

I don't get the deal with all the extra theatrics. This porn was already going to be weird enough by just featuring a near-nugget. There was no need to make a run to the closest fast-food chain beforehand.

It's just now hitting me that all the foods she uses are soft, and this bitch has no teeth. Is she planning on eating all this shit after she's done rubbing it about her torso? Every day we stray farther from God. 

Heavy-R is a porn site that doesn't fuck around, so if you're looking for disturbing content, they have it in spades. Have you ever experienced a post-nut clarity so powerful it felt like a religious experience? If not, prepare to have one after finishing on Heavy-R.

My primary complaint about Heavy-R is the bright white background. This isn't the type of porn you watch in the daytime or even in an artificially lit room. This type of shit demands absolute darkness, and the bright white background ruins that.

It's time for you fucks to start your nugget journey. Safe travels, you valiant steed.