The Popes Bitches

I can’t believe I haven’t reviewed ThePopesBitches. This is my idea of a top tier porn site. This is my idea of the best kind of porn site that could possibly exist. It reminds me of Assylum. In my book that’s the ultimate compliment. This site ticks all of my boxes. It has great design, tons of original videos, the smut is made by someone who knows what he’s doing and finally the site features Charlotte Sartre, heavily. That’s all you really need to have a successful porn studio, my guy. An original concept and a bitch who knows what she’s doing. Seriously, though, Charlotte Sartre is probably one of those X-Men mutants. The bitch is impervious to damn near everything. Oh sure, she screams like she’s in pain, then five minutes later she’s giggling about how casual the whole clip was for her to record.

Anyways, we’re here to talk about ThePopesBitches and the Pope himself. This dude is in charge of the productions as far as I can tell. He’s featured in every single video and the site basically revolves around him, without giving him unnecessary screentime. This is exactly why this place reminds me of Assylum. Basically, the idea is that this dude is selling you short stories with mild exposition and they all center around the focused punishment of random women who arrive to his dungeon in one way or another. The punishments vary across severity and originality and there are all kinds of devices and tools to help facilitate the pain. This is what a proper BDSM site looks like. The pain is the focal point, but originality is what drives the action forward. It’s not just about hurting the girls; it’s about impressing the audience as well. Everyone’s doing their best to impress.

Innovative Pain Play

There have been many BDSM websites that are similar to ThePopesBitches, for many years prior to the launch of this amazing website. Those sites for the most part focused on the escalation of pain exerted on women who were mounted on one form of BDSM torture machine or another. Those sites were also very successful. They never really caught my attention, though. When it comes to premium pornography, I can’t be sold on extremes alone. I want to see something original. If I’m going to be paying for smut, I expect to see something I haven’t seen before, no matter how minor the differences might be.

ThePopesBitches delivers on this expectation in spades. Every single video is different from every other. It’s funny how every video on here is filmed around the exact same premise, but no two videos are alike. This is proof of the studio’s originality as well as the creative and performative flexibility of the girls. If you’ve got a bunch of tools in a room with Charlotte Sartre, there are a million and one combinations of depravity just waiting to be unlocked and she’s down to handle anything you throw at her.

Shameless BDSM Topics

The difference between a high end, classy BDSM site like ThePopesBitches and an average torture porn studio can be seen very clearly under the category tags. Normally, BDSM sites will show you the same tags you’re used to seeing on other sites like bondage, strap-on, whipping and so on. There’s nothing wrong with those categories, but they’re pretty much telling you in advance that you shouldn’t expect to see anything particularly innovative. ThePopesBitches comes in strong with fucked up categories, some of which I’ve never even heard of. For example, there’s a tag for breath play on here. I’ve heard of choking before, of course, but never breath play. I guess they’re elevating the art of choking a bitch out into a whole new level.

Next up, we’ve got device bondage versus rope bondage – an important distinction. There’s nipple play, tattoos, fucking machines and even a zipper category. What in all shits is a zipper category? Check it out yourself. You won’t regret it. Just make sure that you have the stomach for extreme sexual play, all right? These girls really go hard for your pleasure. If you’re not a hardcore BDSM lover then you should probably steer clear of the previews on here.

A Premium Experience

Speaking of previews, ThePopesBitches clearly value their content to the fullest possible extent, since they literally don’t even let you watch infinite previews. You can only watch three trailers on this site before you get booted. That’s right. Three. And, the trailers are short as shit, so it’s not like you could profit from being able to watch them all. Hell, you could ask a buddy to send you another three, then get another buddy for another three and so on, if you wanted to watch them all. It’s not like they’re unavailable on porn tube sites too. They’re previews, for fucks sakes. Why would you put a cap on the number of previews?

I’ll tell you why. The content on ThePopesBitches is so hot and so damn innovative that these guys know that if they cut you off from the free trailers, you’ll feel very encouraged to quickly sign up for a premium membership. That’s marketing, baby. It’s fucking annoying, but I can’t fault them too much, considering they’re just trying to shovel high quality content down your throat. Now, you can gripe about the price if you’d like, but keep in mind that these videos are damn expensive to produce.

A Worthwhile Investment

If those free previews pissed you off, there’s a $3 three-day trial that lets you view all of the content on the site, though I suspect that since this is a trial, you can’t actually download any of the videos. That makes sense. It’s how I’ve seen it done on other similar sites. There’s a 30-day membership for a somewhat steep $30. The price goes down to $55 for a 90-day membership and there’s a huge discount if you sign up for a whole year. It costs $100. That’s a steal. The other tiers are a bit underwhelming.

I think that you should definitely start with the trial subscription and then move on to the yearly subscription if you’re satisfied. Getting a sub with ThePopesBitches is very much an investment into your future, since these guys are constantly coming out with new videos that are all fantastically worth your time. Plus, since this is innovative BDSM content, most of every single video is comprised of actual smut. There’s not a lot of call for clothed foreplay or the like.

Gorgeous Babes

The women on ThePopesBitches are definitely my kind of bitches. They’re not 10s and that’s a good thing. 10s usually act like they’re made of glass. They refuse anal. They use safe words early into the punishment and they generally don’t know how to take cock without choking. The babes on ThePopesBitches are more of an average 8. They’re hot enough to win my heart, but not so hot that they’re impossible to reason with. The aforementioned Charlotte Sartre is a great example of what you can expect to see. I also saw Natalie Mars getting punished on here, so the site is trans inclusive, though I doubt you’ll be seeing a lot of trans babes. Most of the chicks here were born with pussies. Either way, you can tell that this is a site made with straight dudes in mind.

My personal favorites, beyond Ms. Sartre, are the young babes with huge tits. I love seeing them engage in nipple play. You can tell that they’re capable of handling it, but they’re somewhat inexperienced, so the pain very much comes as a shock. I love this kind of BDSM. It’s painfully realistic, because the pain is very much real. Plus, the Pope fellow does his best to keep the action going in an interesting way. He’s not just cranking up the pain, he’s innovating. It’s as if these gorgeous babes are his canvases and he’s trying to make art out of pure pain and pornography. The dude’s a proper artist.

Check Out the Photos

As a P.S. I’d like to point out that this place also has large image galleries that feature pics snapped during the actual videos. You’d think that this is a waste of time, but photo cameras can do things that video cameras cannot. There’s something majestically glorious about high resolution images of these babes in the throes of painful passion. Half of these photos are screenshot material. I think you’re going to have a damn good time on ThePopesBitches. This site is very much showing other sites in the industry how to get shit done properly.