Under The Bed

Adriana Chechik in a horror porn movie. Something like a clash of Eros and Phobos, but I am not gonna go there! I am a clever, knowledgeable mothafucker who looks at things from a peculiar standpoint. You are simple, and I am a rude genius! Deal with it! 

However, I want to play a guessing game with you. What's under the bed that makes your blood boil and your prick stand up? Hoes don't hide under the beds in normal circumstances. Is it a sex doll that you've hidden from your bossy mom who whips your ass when you disobey?! Is it a pervy collection of photos of strange women you wank off to every night!? Have I read too many Stephen King books?! 

Will the thing under your bed please your boner? Well, if you are looking for an answer on underthebed.com, you are gonna love the outcome. Underthebed.com presents a phenomenal, unique mix of horror and porn, and that's exactly what I am gonna be talking about today. Whatever you do, don't fall asleep - sounds so cute when Adriana utters it, right?! Whew, I am horny already!

Crème de la crème of the adult biz

A Pure Taboo Anthology! Combine that with the whole Adult Time network, and you'll understand what I am talking about! Underthebed.com is not some shitty page where toothless grannies go trick-or-treating in latex costumes, only to understand that their craving for chocolate dongs overpowers their saggy physique. I am talking about high-quality, high-production, top-notch sluts, superb make-up, and all of the things that make up good exclusive porn.

The free tour is what mere mortals are gonna get! It's fine, as well as the limited trial options that I am gonna mention later, but I am not writing this review for a mediocre crowd of prick wankers. I am talking to real fetishists...people who've seen it all and now want to raise the bar. Underthebed.com is a unique series presenting horror porn that is capable of catering to the darkest of fantasies. 

Grow some balls, for fuck's sake!

Those are fake fangs, and the guy who blinks and twitches on the homepage is just a random prick who gets paid to fuck hoes in front of the camera. I hate to break it to you, but all horror movies you've seen in your life are fucking fake. That Samara chick coming out of a well scared my soul for life, but then I came up with a self-soothing technique. In my mind, I take her wig off and her creepy dress, only to realize that she is human after all. With underthebed.com, I suggest you focus on bare pussies and pulsating assholes. That'll help you!

Please be advised...fuck off! I had wanked off to alternative adult content while you were pissing on your sand castle and drank milk from your mama's tit! Let me take a look! Ok, a mix of Chornobyl, Dawn of the Dead, and Dracula. Truth be told, I was more focused on Angela White's tits than I was on the plot, but I got chills. Yeah, especially in the region south of my belt. Yeah, creepy as fuck, especially when the phenomenal acting skills of Angela White took it to a whole new level of artistic!

Focus on quality seems to be the idea

It's time for the ugly truth! If you want thousands of videos, if you are on the hunt for months of fapping material, underthebed.com is not gonna please you. If you want to bust a nut to cheap scenes and browse around the website without any limitations or payments, fuck off elsewhere. Underthebed.com doesn't tolerate shit. The homepage and the whole website have been made to look luxurious and exclusive, dark and twisted, and they've nailed it.

If you were hoping to see everything that underthebed.com on the free tour page, think again! The page doesn't show shit! I understand the concept, especially since Adult Time and Pure Taboo already have millions of fans worldwide that are sure they are gonna get top-notch quality for their money, but is the minimalistic approach annoying?

Yeah, especially when you are a dude in a rush who has other websites waiting in line for a review. Sometimes, I want to get in and get out without wasting my precious time. I want to see tits and pussies right away! I am sure that there are plenty of like-minded dudes out there who feel the same. Obviously, underthebed.com doesn't give a fuck!

Someone has been reading Shakespeare

"All the world's a stage. And all the men and women merely players" - a wise thought to get you into the right mood before the raw banging scene begins. What a clever way to educate your members without offending them. Nooo, this is just a poetic way to start a porno! Nooo, you are not bastards who could use a couple of grammar and literature lessons here and there! 

The clip I am telling you about features Adriana Chechik and Kristen Scott. The plot reminded me of the mix of Cube and Hunger. Some creep is watching these belles and two studs, making them perform a live show to please his kinky mind. How tragic! 

On the flip side, the chicks soon realize that the only way to survive is to compel, so they lick each other's pussies, get nailed, moan, cum, buuuut...they act like hell! All of this would be a mere piece of shit if the acting was crappy! Bravo ladies! A pure tempest in my balls! 

Let's see another one! So fucking exciting! The creepy music, in the beginning, black background, lights, the intro, everything is top-notch. Yeah, I am a sarcastic dude, but I am really beginning to appreciate underthebed.com for its uniqueness. Charles Dera and Angela White in some kind of a fertility clinic. Angela is the nurse, Charles is the doctor, and an innocent-looking busty blonde is a patient. You know the rest! Banging, licking, moaning, and lots of creampies! 

The cost you have to pay for this piece of art

The three-day trial for underthebed.com is gonna cost you $2.95, and it will give you access to the latest scenes only. However, it's a good and cheap way to test the waters. So is my review, so skip the fucking trial and pull out the big guns! Thirty days, full access, streaming only - this plan comes with a price tag of $19.95 (recurring at $19.95 / month). The only plan that unlocks the download option is the yearly one which will cost you $9.95/month (billed in 1 payment of $119.40 and recurring). 

As a paying member, you get to chat with support agents whenever you feel like it. These guys are online 24/7. If you go with the yearly plan, you'll get to download MP4 files and galleries in ZIP files. Each scene comes with a set of superb galleries. There is no download limit. However, I have to note that I had to find out all of this on my own. The tour page doesn't explain shit, keeping all of the good stuff a secret for some odd reason. Fucked-up, if you ask me! And annoying!

When it comes to the content, there is nothing to worry about. The actors you are gonna see in these releases are anything but amateur. Underthebed.com really hit a home run. The scenarios are creative and witty, the acting is decent, and the bimbos are the best that this world has to offer. 

Let's hope that we will see more of this stuff

Once you get used to the creepy masks, fake blood, and fake scars, you'll really dig the hardcore scenes. It's just good old sex with props. That's all there is to it. On the other hand, if you have a thing for exclusive, luxurious settings, high-resolution cameras, and famous pornstars, you'll have to pay to become a member of underthebed.com. 

If you are an artistic, literature-inclined individual who doesn't settle for dumb hoes, you are gonna love underthebed.com. These chicks utter wise words, act like pros and look great with cocks in their mouth. A mix made in heaven, if you ask me! Dig into the underthebed.com stash and see what you've been missing out on the whole fucking time! Forget about mediocre smut! You deserve more!