Eporner Yoga

I’ve always hated it and I always will. It’s stupid. It’s kind of like working out, but it doesn’t do anything for your body. Oh sure, the stretches help warm you up a bit and you get fewer cramps, but come the fuck on. Half of yoga is just sitting around meditating. It’s about the most professional way you can waste your time on purpose and some people even pay for this privilege. Imagine paying someone to order you to waste your time. It’s astounding. You go to work for this. You earn money and then you give it away so another person can tell you to close your eyes. Get a fucking hobby, my man.

Ok, back to work. Sorry. Today I’m reviewing yoga porn on ePorner. Why? Because it’s hot. I hate yoga porn almost as much as yoga, but for different reasons entirely. The smut on this section of ePorner fits the bill and defies expectation. I mean, it’s hot as shit and I didn’t expect it to be. I blame my general dislike of yoga for that bias. So, what actually is yoga porn and what kind of smut can you find on ePorner? It’s a bit of complicated. This is one of those fetishes without a clear enough definition so there’s some mixing and matching across a common thread. I had the same problem when I talked about massage porn. Is the girl rubbing the guy or is the guy rubbing the girl? Where’s the fetish point? I have to ask a similar question here. Am I fapping to girls doing yoga or am I fapping to guys fucking girls in yoga-appropriate attire? Where’s the focal point of attraction here?

No-One Gives a Shit

The average fetishist is very devoted to their passion with strong expectations and very little will to compromise. Anal fetishists for example will not enjoy vaginal porn nearly as much as anal porn and nothing is going to change that. This is why it’s important to cater to sexual fetishes so narrowly and with dedication. When it comes to yoga porn, it would appear that no-one gives a flying fuck. Hell, this place feels less like a fetish home and more like a random topic tag. There is a bit of potential for proper fetishization, but it eludes the porn creators behind these videos.

First of all, half of these videos feature nothing but standard penis in vagina penetration between two naked people, usually a man and a woman, for most of their runtime. So, let’s say that around 45% of all the video footage on ePorner’s yoga section is exactly identical to and completely indistinguishable from a generic porn video from a main page on any porn tube. Yoga be damned, this is just regular pussy fucking. Were we scammed? Sort of. A little bit. It’s complicated.

The Appeal of Yoga

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when I say yoga? Is it pants? It should be. Yoga pants are one of the greatest types of outside attire for women. They technically cover everything, but in practice, they show everything. Or rather, they show the outlines of women’s genitals, especially when they bend over. Yoga pants are responsible for one third of accidental boners in the western world. I just made that stat up, but it sounds really fucking believable. You wanna know why? Because yoga pants are tight and soft, damn it. They show off the form of the woman wearing them. This is the kind of crap that I live for.

So, we’ve got yoga pants and beyond that we’ve also got certain yoga poses like downward dog, upward dog, sideways dog and doggystyle. Every single one of these yoga poses is basically a mating call. I know that women love to pretend that this whole shtick is about health and self-improvement, but when a woman is wearing a slutty outfit and bending over for an hour, you can’t convince me that it’s not because she needs cock. I’m not stupid. Women want to be dicked. When they peacock their pussies around, that’s a sign that they haven’t gotten laid in a while and their body craves release. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Female Peacocking

I can therefore conclude that yoga pants and yoga in general are symbols of repressed female sexuality and their raging sexual drive. In that sense, any woman involved with yoga in any way is theoretically playing with the idea of broadcasting her sexuality to the world. Sure, she could do the same thing with a short skirt or a bikini, but the yoga approach is more empowering. At the same time, she’s fully dressed, working on herself and also completely nude and attracting male attention. Women are tricky. Sometimes they really want to whore out without explicitly whoring out. They want to have their cock and eat it too. I encourage this behavior. If yoga babes want my cock, they can have it.

This is roughly the logic behind my extreme boner while checking out yoga porn on ePorner. At least, It think this is what appeal to me. Beyond the general sex appeal of the bitches, I really like the fact that they all look and act like they’re not thirsty for cock, then they completely 180 that behavior. Plus, the outfits are extremely arousing. I can’t lie. I haven’t seen a woman in yoga pants that I haven’t wanted to bang. I don’t want to strip her down. There’s no need. I just want to pull the pants down from the back, just far enough to gain access. Then, I want to blow my load inside her and pull the pants back up so she can get back to her stretches. I just hope she’s on birth control.

It's an Art Form

My depraved fantasies aside, there does seem to be an artsy angle to yoga porn that runs in parallel to the sucking and fucking videos. Oddly enough, these kinds of artsy videos feature even more female nudity than the fully pornographic ones. How can this be, you must be asking? Well, they’re softcore demonstrations of the female form, with babes that straight up perform yoga stretches and meditations while they’re naked. All of this is recorded on a high-quality wide-angle lens so you get to see their entire naked bodies throughout. It’s like they’re museum exhibits. You’re studying the female form in motion in these videos.

I find these kinds of clips easy to fap to, but I classify them squarely under lesbian softcore pornography. It’s the kind of shit you get on those female-led sites where bitches just sort of softly pet each other for pleasure. It’s extremely soft shit, but it might be truer to yoga than the more sexual stuff. Your personal preference is going to play a major role in how you perceive this content and that brings us back to the aforementioned problem with yoga as a porn fetish. Are you into the yoga, the outfits or the girls and how do you want these concepts to mix and match?

ePorner For the Win

Thankfully, the people behind ePorner don’t give a flying fuck about porn dissection and classification. They have the tags in place and the tags are working fine. Everything that even remotely qualifies as yoga porn can be found here on ePorner’s yoga porn section. It’s that simple. Anyone’s free to dive right the fuck in and check out this smut to their heart’s content. ePorner might not be the number one free porn tube out there, but they’re kicking strong and doing a great job of it.

And, given the naturally confusing definition of yoga porn, ePorner are technically utilizing the best solution for this confusion. I.e., they’re not doing fucking anything. There’s yoga porn on here, with a wide net cast across the damn topic, so you’ll find everything and anything yoga related all under one section. The only prerequisites I can think of is that you have to find women attractive. This is straight male porn so, yeah, you need to be one of those or a lesbian or a queer person who is attracted to bitches – you get the idea. You get to see naked babes. Whether they’re being fucked or just sort of spreading their legs to ventilate their vaginas and get rid of the fishy smell, they’re here for your yoga loving pleasure. Make sure to stretch before you dive into this section.