AlohaTube Massage

I’ve been reviewing massage porn lately and I have to say, I’m a bit underwhelmed. I knew that the massages would focus on a lot more than just physiotherapy. There would naturally be handjobs and happy endings. What I find really disappointing is that the entire damn genre is like an excuse for people to just watch regular smut. The fetish isn’t given proper respect. This could be because it’s not exactly a fetish. It’s possibly more of a preference than a proper obsessive indulgence. I can’t know for sure. What I do know for a fact is that this smut is painfully generic and I found it to be rather disappointing all things considered.

AlohaTube is always a great place to fap, especially since they draw in the content from across the web. You should know this already, but AlohaTube is a misnomer – this is not a porn tube, it’s a porn tube content aggregator. The content comes in from elsewhere. Therefore, your pool of choices is extensive as fuck. You get all kinds of videos, with a vast range of diversity. There’s no common thread in the degree of depravity, so the whole massaging thing could mean anything really. It could refer to actual massages or it could be an excuse to cram in a dozen handjobs under the pretense that this technically counts as a message. The whole effort feels kind of half-assed and I can’t even blame AlohaTube for it. Their job is to adhere to the tags that are already out there, on other porn sites. So, if everyone’s trying to piggyback on the massage tag, as such, there’s nothing AlohaTube can do to stop them. Whatever the industry considers a massage technically constitutes a massage by default and there’s nothing we can do to change that.

The Attack of the Triple A Studios

From the get go, you’ll be seeing previews and even full-length videos from triple A studios like Tiny4K for example. I’m picking them out of a hat since I can see one of their videos on the front page right now. They make top tier content, but they’re not a massage-themed studio. So, what gives? Well, they managed to make a screencap of one of their videos that looks like it might be a part of a massage themed smut clip. This is standard practice at this point, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. The clip I’m talking about contains some oiling and petting followed by vaginal penetration and a mild blowjob. In other words, no-one would consider this a massage. Sure, there’s a bit of rubbing in it, but give me a fucking break. It would appear that the massage fetish is a fucking joke to these people. They’re using it for free marketing.

Granted, there are some actual massage videos on here, but they’re few and far in-between. Most of them just devolve to standard penetration after a little while anyways. They don’t really give you much time to enjoy the actual massage. This is fine for me, since I would jack off to any bit of media that featured a woman with a pulse. I’m similar in my dating preferences. If she’s female and she’s not dead, then she’s ready for my cock. Other people aren’t nearly as open-minded as me. Other people want to satisfy their preferences and they absolutely should. You absolutely should. You deserve to fap to your preferred type of pornography and this kind of unaligned tag warring is what’s ruining the system.

Too Much Smut, Not Enough Rubbing

You would imagine that checking out content from some massage specific studios would be a lot more satisfying and to the point, but I’m willing to bet that this too would leave you soft-cocked and uninspired. Back on the front page, I’m also seeing what appears to be a very hot video of a babe getting a proper massage from a pretend therapist. So far so good. We’re warming up in the right direction. She’s hot, she’s got giant tits and she’s ready for some rubs. The studio that made this damn clip actually has massage in the name. How off-topic could this shit be? Very.

Oh sure, the video starts with a bit of rubbing, and by rubbing, I mean the chick’s tits get oiled and squeezed. But, soon enough the dude who is supposed to be rubbing and keeping his mouth shut whips out his cock and goes for penetration. From there on out, the entire video is just an oiled bitch with fake tits getting plowed like it’s the last thing she does on God’s green earth. Again, I don’t think that this is bland pornography. It’s hot. I’m just trying to approach this from the perspective of someone who gets turned on by massages. The content is just too thinned out. We need to see more rubbing. I’d love to see some implied sexual situations that are supposed to edge you, instead of just jumping into the penetration, mainstream style.

Submissive Dudes Get Scrubbed

On the flip side, you’ll see a lot of videos that feature masseuses who do their work on submissive dudes. There’s a bit more potential in these videos, from what I could tell, but they too devolve down the same vein. The framing is a bit different, on account of the power dynamic, but the action ends up just the same. Instead of getting dicked, they ride the dick. It’s roughly exactly the same, with a tiny twist of authority. I prefer these videos for two reasons. One, the girl is always in full view and two, she has a lot more agency within the actual play. I love submissive bitches as much as the next guy, but in pornography, I’d like to see the girls actually do some work. I want to make believe like they’re rubbing me down. If I wanted something more passive, I’d look at Playboy spreads. Watching women get rubbed down with no adjoined sex play feels like they’re the ones being serviced and I’m just sort of sitting there and waiting for something interesting to happen.

Massage plays are very fascinating and I’ve had more than a few massages in my life, both giving and receiving, that were very satisfying. Granted, they all ended in sex, but the massage itself was damn pleasurable. Sometimes babes like to rub my cock with some oil and that in itself is also very much a part of the fetish, especially if they rub it slowly instead of jacking it like they’re trying to wrap up and fuck off. There’s a certain elegance to massages. They exist at the intersection of foreplay and actual sex. There’s erotic majesty there. I wish that there was more of a dedication to the actual fetish on AlohaTube, but that’s gone out the window. There’s no hope for finding actual sensuality here. All of this smut is generic garbage that seems to promise the actual fetish, but underdelivers woefully.

Triple A Studios Water Fetishes Down

I mostly blame the triple A studios for this. There are countless videos on here from the most popular American studios as well as the most successful Czech studios. So, you get a completely covered spread of mediocre massage videos from all-over the globe. There are Japanese babes on here too, don’t worry. Either way, I think that this is about the dumbest, most boring way to fap, because the hardcore smut isn’t particularly hardcore, but it’s just enough to ruin your experience.

Did I mention that they’ve peppered in gay smut for no particular reason? I was looking for some hot bitches on here and I got to the third page before I saw a dude sucking off another dude. I’m no prude, I can handle that shit. I review porn for a living. Still, I need prep. I don’t want to see dudes sucking on cocks all casually without being given due preparation. I need to put on my anti-gay goggles for that kind of smut.

AlohaTube is a great site, for sure. They’re doing a fantastic job. Unfortunately, their massage section suffers from painful mediocrity brought on by porn sites’ general disregard for the value of the actual massage tag. They throw it in at random in hopes of spreading their content as widely as possible. It’s a marketing ploy and clearly it works, but it comes at the cost of ruining your fapping experience. On top of that, I’m not seeing nearly as many amateur productions as I’m used to seeing across fetish tubes. This is a strong 5/7. Worth watching, but disappointing if you have a deep dedication to the fetish at hand.