Cum Eating Cuckolds

Not all porn sites are created equal. Some are good, others are great and a few in-between are so cringey and disappointing that you wonder why anyone even bothered in the first place. That’s right, boys and girls. We’ve got one of those reviews coming up – the ones where I bitch and moan like there’s no tomorrow because something got my goat and I want my goat back. On CumEatingCuckolds I felt like I was walking a minefield. Doing this review was so difficult because the site itself fought my attempts at having fun at every turn. It’s funny because this is a quality site with a ton of content, but they go out of their way to make your beginner experience a living nightmare. They need a better marketing team at the very least.

CumEatingCuckolds is a simple website with a simple mission statement. They want to match couples up with manly dudes who are here to provide the proper satisfaction for both of them. There are a few points of confusion in their concept as well as in the execution and I’ll go over all of that in detail, but the overall vibe is hot, I guess? Obviously, you have to be into cucking to enjoy this content, but I think it goes a step further than that.

The general idea behind cucking, at least as far as I understand, is that you get hot when other dudes fuck your bitch because you have a small cock or a small brain or something of that sort. Maybe you’re just a little bitch, I don’t know. The point is, it’s not gay, it’s just extremely pathetic. You want someone else to dick your girl better than you could. And, if you could watch it go down, you can jack off to it. Still, the focal point of the action is your wife or girlfriend. That’s the source of the fetish. You want to see her satisfied. CumEatingCuckolds takes this concept several leagues further.

Is It Gay If You Say No Homo?

As a species we’ve debated over the logistics of the degree of gayness that comes with having a threesome. We know that one guy fucking two babes is definitely a straight edge encounter. The babes are there to service the dude and if they eat each other out, well that’s all in good fun. It’s not gay when it’s in a threeway. That’s how the song goes. Now, for threesomes that have two dudes and one chick, it gets a lot gayer because you run the risk of touching a dude’s dick or balls. Hell, I wouldn’t touch a dude’s anything unless I’m fist-bumping my homies at the gym or kissing my homies good night. I’m a classical fellow.

On CumEatingCuckolds they take what is normally a very hetero fetish and push it to the gayest of extremes, which technically kind of makes this a gay website. I think. I’m not sure. It could be a bisexual site, but it’s definitely not a straight site for straight dudes, I’ll tell you that much. I review all kinds of pornography and I don’t usually cringe, but being a pussy worshipper, I get really uncomfortable when gay shit happens between dudes. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just not my thing. I respect gay dudes; I just don’t want to see their nasty bits clashing. You know what I mean. Anyways, this site made me want to crawl out of my skin.

The Submissive Torment

Normally in cuckold content the satisfaction of the subject of the video comes from seeing his wife or girlfriend being plowed by someone else. It’s a simple concept. You get hot because a chick is cheating or otherwise being more satisfied with someone other than you. It’s a dumb fetish, but I can understand it. It’s very hetero. CumEatingCuckolds comes in with a curveball. What if, instead of watching your bitch getting plowed by a better dude, you got involved and got plowed by the dude as well, but not even in a proper way. What if you were scrounging for scraps at the dude’s dick while he’s dicking your girl? What if you tasted his cum and balls and all that jazz? Well, that would be pretty gay, my dude. I’m not saying it's wrong. I’m saying that this site is unlikely to mix well with straight viewers.

The standard setup for every single video that I’ve seen on this site involves the subject, i.e., the dude being cucked, getting involved in the action and it usually starts with him supporting the girl from the sidelines. The girl and the bull are getting it on and the cuck is giving the chick a backrub or holding her from behind as a sort of recliner. You get the gist of it. The cuck lends a helping hand. Then, as the video progresses, he gets more involved until it starts to get a little weird. Maybe he’ll offer himself up as a surface on which the other two can perform the sex stuff. Ok, we’re cutting a bit close with the gay shit, but I guess it works. Then… it kind of goes off the rails.

Is It Gay to Suck a Man Off?

Yes. Yes, it is. That’s why I’m troubled that I have to watch this shit happen in every single CumEatingCuckolds video at one point or another. Look, I know I was in for a gay mess when I read the title of the website. But, hear me out for a second. Yes, it’s gay to suck a man off, but if you’re a decrepit, disgusting cuck of a man, then it’s not that gay to take the cum out of your girl’s mouth, even though it’s gross as shit. My logic? Well, if you’re going as far as to let someone else dump a ton of cum in the place where you’re going to put your mouth later, you might as well also put it in your mouth instead, because that’s what you’re doing. The damage has been done.

But my man in Christ, why would you also suck the man off? At that point, you aren’t getting cucked. Your girl is getting cucked, by the bull, shoving his cock into your mouth. What is the fantasy here? You’re secretly gay but you can’t break it to your girl so you get a man involved so that you can have a non-gay blowjob? It doesn’t work that way. At this point, CumEatingCuckolds is not a cuck site, it’s a vanilla bisexual site for dudes. It’s perfectly fine, but I’d name it something sensible and not pretend it’s about the cucking.

It's Bisexual Smut, Damn It

Think of it this way. If you’re bi and you love your girl and you’re a horn dog, then you also enjoy hot dudes and their dicks. Imagine both your girl’s genitals and those of a hot dude all-over your face. That’s not cuck punishment – that’s Christmas. That’s the greatest gift you could have. Cucking is supposed to be a submissive and punishing fetish, not a walk in the park with two people that you find super attractive. I can tell that the main cuck performers on this site are gay, it’s so obvious. They clearly love the taste of cock. So then brand the fucking site properly.

I think that CumEatingCuckolds is an amazing website, even though they should probably have better previews available on the site. They should also most likely get rid of the adjoining videos that come with every clip that showcase the girl all on her own, simply because the highlight of the action here is the MMF threesome play. If you’re here and you paid for a subscription then you’re bi. Sorry. That’s how it works.

Speaking of payment, you can nab yourself a membership for the not so modest price of $30 a month, or you could get a mild discount and get a 90-day subscription for $70. There’s also a no-rebill monthly option at $35, so there are options. But there’s no yearly sub and the overall pricing is a bit higher than what I’ve come to expect from premium websites. It’s not like they use expensive props or whatever, but I do understand that if the average number of performers per every video is three, you got to pay the big bucks to enjoy that shit. All in all, I think this is a great site with a terrible marketing team. As for the performers, well, they’re pretty fucking hot. The dudes all look like me, the chicks all look fuckable, albeit a bit plain at times and I had a decent time reviewing the place, other than the sexual cognitive dissonance that comes with watching a man suck another man off while there’s a woman in the room.