XNXX Midget

Talking about porn isn’t all that I do here. I also consider myself a motivational speaker who spends a lot of time blowing wind into your sails. Alright, I spend a lot of time making fun of you, so perhaps a better way to put it is my rebukes remove so much wind from your sails that it creates a vacuum able to pull you forward.

What You Wish You Could Be

I also see myself as a role model. I am everything that you dumb fucks wish you could be. I’m strong, I get pussy, my cock never runs out of steam, women throw themselves at me, I’m successful, I don’t live with my rents, I have friends, and I’m a fucking alpha. I am the epitome of everything that you are not.

In some ways, this must be frustrating, but the fact that you keep coming back for more tells me it’s more motivating than frustrating. To be real, no matter how much of my advice you take, you can never be me. Regardless, you should always be trying to get closer. Whenever you come to a crossroads in life, think WWTPD (What Would The Porndude Do?)

One of my primary goals with these articles is to get you fucks laid, and I’m always trying to think of new ways to make that happen. When I’m up late at night, unable to sleep, I'm inventing ways you fuck faces might get some pussy. That’s how much I care. Where would you bastards be without me? My guess is probably living on the streets masturbating to the lingerie section of a Sears catalog like a twelve-year-old in the eighties.

In my explorations, I have come up with many ways to increase your chances of getting laid, and I have another one today: midgets. Yes, you heard me correctly. Midgets are perfectly built for my readers.

Hear Me Out

Think about it. First off, it's pretty tough for them to escape. Those nubby legs aren't conducive to either a sprint or a marathon. Plus, midgets are extremely easy to pick up and manhandle. I can grab one by the ankle and swing her around my head like Conan the Barbarian wielding a spiked mace. 

Second, for the most part, the only dudes that want to fuck them are creepers and pedos. Yes, I agree. You guys are creepy, but I've been teaching you to hide your creepiness for a long time now.

There are many types of midgets out there for you to choose from. Some have the same proportions as regular people and look like a bitch got hit with the ray gun from "Honey I Shrunk the Kids." Others have a totally different look to them that is usually highlighted by large heads and a thick ass.

I recommend that you go after one of the bitches that looks different. They are less likely to be approached by other men, and that's important. The last thing you motherfuckers want is competition. 

The best place for you to start is by getting some research done on Xnxx. Xnxx is a name in porn that needs no introduction. It is one of the original porn tube sites that completely changed the game. We all owe these bastards an enormous debt of gratitude. Who knows where I would be today if it weren't for Xnxx.

Our Lord and Savior, Xnxx

Many less educated people think sites like Youporn, Redtube, and Pornhub started the revolution, but that's untrue. They all have their place in the history of internet porn, but Xnxx got its start ten years before Redtube first came online. Xnxx is the Nostridomus of porn.

That means no matter what kind of porn you look up on the site, you'll receive a list of the best of the best. There are nearly ten fucking million videos on Xnxx. That's more videos than most porn site networks contain.

The main menu sits at the top of the site and includes the options Home, Search bar, Language selector, Content selector, Sexuality selector, Best of, Hits, Tags, Pictures, Live cams, Sex stories, Forum, Pornstars, Games, Gold, Settings, and Bookmark.

Over the last twenty-five years, Xnxx has become a global enterprise. As such, they offer their site in twenty-one different languages. Even more impressive than that is that they carry content from nearly every country on planet Earth. It's fucking madness. Xnxx is the home of porn.

Xnxx started with porn but has since spread out into porn games, live streaming, erotic literature, and a Forum. Everything these dick necks do is done to the best of their ability. There isn't a single aspect of the site that I wouldn't recommend.

As of the writing of this article, there were no midget live performers, but I'd be surprised if they don't pop up from time to time. You'll just have to keep a sharp eye out for them. 

I couldn't find any midget content amongst the erotic literature, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I'm sure with a bit of elbow grease, you'll be able to fish some up.

Down the left side of the site is a small filter and a massive category list that seems to go on forever. At the top are a few suggested search options, including Daughters of Anarchy, Black, and Funny porn.

Under that are options to view your search history, check out today's selection, or view suggestions. The suggestions are based on your recent search and viewing histories. The algorithm Xnxx uses is accurate as fuck. I want it to use in my own personal collection. I have so many loaded external hard drives it can be hard to keep track of everything.

Star Ranger The Space Pussy Midget

It's high time we dove into some of the midget content on Xnxx. I fell in love with the bizarre film "Midget Lady Fucked by Two Guys." It's a terrible name considering that a lot more is happening than just two guys fucking a midget. 

The two gents in question are researchers working in a panic to contain some mistake they have made. Whatever the error is, it's critical, it involves a midget, and they are running out of time.

While the scientists are hard at work, the midget comes in holding a Star Trek: The Next Generation-themed computer keyboard and wearing a pink Power Ranger costume. Where did this bitch come from? A nerd convention? 

Whoever this midget is, she has authority over these two, but they refuse to follow her orders. Good thing that Star Trek Keyboard just so happens to be able to control the researchers' bodies.

They try to fight against her powers, but there is nothing they can do, so she forces them to stand up and disrobe. Before they know it, they are both naked, hard, and getting jerked off. At this point, should they really be complaining? These are nerdy scientists, for fucks sake. I can't imagine that they get laid very often.

The midget doesn't waste too much time tugging and sucking these gents. After all, she didn't come here to please these fucks. She came to get her tiny pussy turned inside out.

To make things a bit easier, she mounts a chair, so her pussy is more than a foot off the ground. I have to give this midget some props. She didn't have to get Eiffel towered, but she did it anyway. That has to help make up for the fact that this is mildly rapey.

She even does the favor of letting these nerdy bastards cum. After they bust a nut, they come to their senses a bit, put their glasses back on, and begin typing away at their computers again. About ten seconds later, the midget disappears into thin air.

It turns out that the two researchers actually brought this bitch into existence in an attempt to create a sex slave but instead became sex slaves themselves. Nevertheless, the two agree that they will try again but be more careful next time.

The final scene focuses on the midget who has been returned to whatever ethereal realm she originated. Needless to say, she is pissed, considering there is no dick to fuck her in the aethers.

If only these researchers had been born fifty years from now, they would have been able to purchase a Tesla Sex Robot instead of snatching bitches from alternate dimensions.

Xnxx is to porn what the big bang is to the universe. Nothing would be the same without it. They are what every porn tube site strives to be. Sure others can try, but they can never be Xnxx.

I feel like it would be blasphemy to complain about Xnxx. All I have to say is that I hope they are around for another twenty-five years.

My readership is almost unfuckable, but the keyword here is almost. I'm willing to bet that there are tens of thousands of midgets foaming at the mouth to ride your minuscule member.