FapHouse Pregnant

Ah shit, here we go again. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again over and over until you people understand it – the whole point of fucking is to get the sperm inside the woman. A pregnant woman already had the sperm. The belly is living proof of this. She is done. She’s good to go. She doesn’t need more fucking. She has been properly fucked through and through and we have the forensic data to prove it. Pregnant women cannot and should not be seen as sexual objects. They should be stored away for 9 months while they inflate into giant blobs of human-like symbiotic creatures. Then, they remove the parasite out their vaginas and they’re ready for sex again. In the meantime, they’re basically walking incubators for a scourge. Fuck that noise. I don’t understand how you people manage to find pregnant bitches sexy.

It wouldn’t be a PornDude review if I didn’t start it off by bitching and moaning about the things I don’t like. My friends keep telling me that I’ve been getting more and more opinionated as the years go by. I guess my old age is showing. You try reviewing porn for as many years as I have and try not to lose any braincells in the process. It’s difficult stuff. I am a man on a mission and that mission is to document all the smut, indiscriminately. So, I have to give this pregnant smut proper coverage. I do not, however, have to like it. I have standards. I will put aside my biases and try to get in the mind of a man who truly adores pregnant bellies, but I am at the end of the day nothing more than a faker. The real fetishists know what’s up. Either way, I’m prepared to give this shit my all.

FapHouse Comes in Clutch

FapHouse is a top tier porn tube. It’s also a very rare breed in that they charge you a subscription, but their design makes them look like a free porn tube. I wasn’t surprised to see them having a ton of quality videos listed under their pregnant section. There are countless clips on here with varying lengths, types and degrees of quality. For the most part, you’re going to see professional clips recorded in studios, with a director, a cameraman and presumably an entire crew running lights and shit. I don’t know how many people worked on each video, but it’s clear that most of the smut on here cost a lot of money to make. This makes perfect sense to me considering the fact that pregnant babes are kind of a rare breed. I don’t mean that they’re hard to find, I mean that they only exist for a few months and then they disqualify themselves by virtue of … being done with being pregnant, obviously. You can’t be pregnant forever.

That’s why the studios behind these productions go above and beyond to milk the potential of the pregnant bitches as much as possible. They’re on a tight schedule. These studios are doing a fantastic job as far as I’m concerned. Most of this smut is hardcore and extremely saucy. The girls get dicked senseless. A lot of them take it up the ass, too. That’s probably the preferable way to fuck a pregnant bitch, though knowing how fucked up their hormones are, she might end up shitting on your cock without noticing. Hell, she might snap your dick clean off with her various convulsions. Pregnant women are very reminiscent of female mountain lions. They’re loud, wild and very dangerous, but most of all, they’re sexually dominant. If you must fuck pregnant bitches, exercise care. You think they’re fragile on account of the baby and all, but their hormones basically give them superstrength.

Dear God the Hormones

I know I made a big stink about how scientifically speaking, pregnant women are the least fuckable and how they should be dormant and all that, but for some reason, nature didn’t put two and two together. I don’t understand how evolution made women like this, but the end result is very clear – pregnant bitches are wild for cock. I’ve seen them in real life and I’ve seen them in videos – pregnant women crave sex harder than any horny college babe at a house party. Fuck that noise. You think you know horny babes? Try pregnant babes. They’ll eat you alive. They have no chill. They straight up act like they own your cock and they’re on a mission to satisfy themselves on it. You’re allowed to enjoy yourself too, but you are far from the focal point, my man. To pregnant women, you are basically a talking sex toy and they really aren’t interested in what you have to say.

Pregnant women have already satisfied their basic evolutionary impulse. They’ve managed to get inseminated. So, where’s all this horniness coming from? I don’t know for sure. I am not a doctor man. I am an ass man. As far as I understand this shit, the hormones that pregnancy shoots all-over the place make pregnant women unreasonably hyperactive in all of their passions including hunger, thirst and of course, sexual intercourse. If they’re even slightly aroused, that shit is going to spiral until the bitches are screaming for sex. They need penetration like we need air. Hell, pregnant women are probably the only women who are as aroused as the average man is.

FapHouse Versus the World

For a couple of paragraphs there I completely forgot about FapHouse. Forgive me. I went too deep into the sauce. Let’s circle back now. FapHouse’s content used to be very similar to the shit you’d see on mainstream porn tubes, until other sites started to pivot. Some converted their business model into social media promotion for solo performers, others morphed into low tier smut dumping grounds. FapHouse is different in that they pretty much stayed true to their mission statement – they host random mainstream smut in high resolutions. That’s it. No indie promotion. No shilling. No garbage 360p clips. Just the lowest common denominator.

For some people, this is boring, for others it’s a fucking goldmine. You really can’t make pregnancy smut that satisfies everyone. It’s not possible. The genre lends itself to some eccentricities. For example, you could check out some independently made smut featuring loving husbands and wives, in case you’d like to actually see the real baby daddy inserting his cock into the same vagina he recently impregnated. These videos have a lot of potential and they appeal to lovers of amateur smut, but they don’t compare to professionally made smut in terms of extremeness, framing, video quality and so on. You have to pick your poison. Pregnancy porn is great for you across the board, but what kind of pregnancy porn do you want to see?

A Bit Too Mainstream?

This is roughly where FapHouse manages to kind of pigeon hole itself into a very narrow type of smut. They don’t allow potato cam videos. They don’t feature many independent creators. Most of their smut is coming in from studios, basically. These studios use FapHouse as a marketing destination. They put some videos on here to entice you to check out the rest of the library elsewhere. That being said, I’m grateful they at least have the good sense to offer entire videos instead of trailers. Fuck short previews. I want the whole shebang.

All in all, FapHouse’s pregnancy section is a wonderful place to fap. Between the pregnancy hormones, the dudes’ depraved desires and the overall top notch production quality you’re looking at an inexhaustible supply of perfect pregnancy pornography that you can enjoy for years to come. There’s no way you’ll ever watch all of these videos. There are just too many of them. This means that you can always keep coming back to FapHouse for more pregnancy smut, from your PC, your phone, your tablet, hell, even your smart fridge. We’re living in the future now, boys.

High Resolution, for a Price

I don’t know why I left this part for last, but I don’t want to leave off without mentioning that all the pregnancy videos that I checked out on FapHouse were either available in 1080p or 720p. When it comes to porn tubes, that’s perfection right there. Anything less than 720p would be unacceptable, but as it currently stands, you don’t have to compromise on quality on FapHouse. I am beyond satisfied with this smut, even if it really isn’t my kind of content.

Price-wise the tiers range from silly to absolutely genius. A monthly sub will ring you around $15. You get a 40% discount if sign up for a whole year in advance, and get this. You can drop 300 dollars if you’d like a lifetime subscription. My advice, as always is that you try before you buy. $300 for a lifetime subscription is dank shit, but get a monthly sub first to make sure that this content fits your preferences. You don’t want to screw yourself out of pocket money for a subscription you’ll regret.