Czech Hitchhikers

Not another PornCZ production!? Yup. And this is one of their old-school classic ones. You might know PornCZ as being one of the two most popular Czech porn studios on the planet, alongside CzechAV. These guys have been making a killing since, well, since before I was in business. They’re old. They’re also damn smart. Czech Hitchhikers is possibly their magnum opus. It follows a very simple business model with very beautiful women and very simple execution. The shtick is always the same. They roll up on a hot bitch out in the Czech wilderness or on the street and they pick her up. She needs a ride. More specifically, she needs to ride a cock. But she’s pretending that she’s not that kind of girl, until they flash her some cash. Then, she suddenly remembers, she is that type of girl.

Suddenly struck with a deep sense of sexual depravity, the girl decides to take her clothes off, throw caution to the wind and get fucked into oblivion. This makes for fantastic pornography. One thing I’ve noticed about Czech productions of this kind is that even when they do the exact same thing you see out of western productions, they just do it slightly better across the board. The acting in particular is absolutely irresistible. The Czech might not have the triple-A pornstars you’re used to recognizing, but they have some sort of spunk, goddamn it. I get the sense like they really want to impress. They’re trying to break through to the mainstream and it’s working. Besides, East European babes just hit different. They’re built for better sex. I haven’t fucked too many of them, but the ones I did get to dick were absolute sex Olympians. Let’s talk about Czech pussies, shall we?

Fantastic Bitches

I know that classifying women’s fuckability based on their country of origin is cringe shit. People have been called out for doing this a lot. But, what do you want from me? I review porn for a living. Did you really expect me to be classy? In my experience, women of different cultures come in different flavors of fuckable. I’m not only talking about how tight their bodies are, which is of course really important. There’s also the cultural element. You’ll notice a clear difference in sexual behavior, depravity and overall coolness factor depending on where a woman is from. Nordic babes, for example, are much easier to talk to, but they’re less likely to bang on the first date. American babes try to play it cool, but after a few drinks and some idle chit chat, the clothes come flying off. Czech babes are somewhere down the middle of all this.

They’re the kind of women who really try to strike a balance between whore and housewife. On the one hand, they know their way around a kitchen, on the other, they can navigate a bedroom blindfolded, and quite often they do. So, it’s no wonder the girls on Czech Hitchhikers are so damn excited to get picked up. Even if this shit wasn’t staged, I don’t see it going any other way. Czech babes just happen to know how to have fun, damn it. They also smile a lot. I haven’t heard a lot of fantastic things about the Czech Republic, at least in relation to other countries in the region, but I’ll surmise based on the babes that it’s a damn comfortable country to live in. All of these babes look and act like they’re on vacation at all times.

All Kinds of Girls

We’re so used to western propaganda that we often forget that New York isn’t the only melting pot in the world. Europe has had a trend of large-scale migration for God knows how long. The end result of all of this moving is that we’ve got all kinds of bitches in all places across Europe, if we look hard enough. The boys behind Czech Hitchhikers really know how to find quality babes and they do indeed come in all shapes, sizes and colors, except for fat. Fuck that. Most of these girls are indeed Slavic, but even between them there’s a lot of variation. The Czechs also managed to find a lot of darker skinned women and even a few Asians here and there. Migration is magic.

I’m not seeing a lot of variation in terms of age, though. Other PornCZ sites dabble in older women, but Czech Hitchhikers for the most part stay within the 20 to 30 range. It works well enough for the fantasy, I suppose. These babes are supposed to give off the sense that they’re young and inexperienced as well as partly lost in the wilderness or out on the road. It makes sense for them to be really young. The story works really well and comes across as very immersive when every bitch looks like she wandered off of a college campus.

A Bit of Overlap

You’ll notice that a lot of PornCZ’s productions are similar to one another and Czech Hitchhikers is no exception. There are even tons of similarities between this website and some of CzechAV’s work. I guess these companies are painfully aware of the value of the lowest common denominator of smut. They know that people want to fap to videos in which women are casually picked up off the street. There’s also the car sex factor which is so damn prevalent. The best example of this kind of smut is FakeTaxi, but let’s not get distracted – we’re here to talk about Czech Hitchhikers. They have the same type of smut, in-car, except instead of a passenger in a cab you’ve got a random hitchhiker. No real difference. The concept works just the same.

Czech Hitchhikers is a site of subtle combination between various arousing concepts that work well within mainstream porn. You’ve got outdoor sex and sex inside of vehicles. Sometimes these babes fuck in bathrooms. It’s fantastic stuff. I like this notion that women are so damn horny that they literally can’t wait to get home. They have to have you then and there. Just to be clear, when Czech Hitchhikers states that they’re fucking escorts for money, that’s an in-universe fantasy. I.e., these are pornstars pretending to be escorts. They’re acting. It’s all fiction. I’m sorry to burst your bubble but it’s true. These are all pornstars. Sure, they might not be recognizable A-listers, but hey, these girls work hard for the money and they’re damn good at what they do.

Confusing and Annoying Subscriptions

Czech Hitchhikers know how to market their content and they make amazing videos, but I’m not too jazzed about their pricing. I think they’re a bit above the curve here and they should consider taking an L and maybe lowering some of these prices. I’m used to premium porn sites having a 12-month tier that costs between $100 and $120. If that’s what you’re expecting to see as well, you can forget it. Czech Hitchhikers is a lot pricier.

I’ll just list out the offers: 1 month, 3 months, 6 months at $30, $60 and $90 each. Yes, there’s a discount there and yes, it’s significant, but I still don’t feel like they bump down the prices far enough to justify a long-term subscription. I think this smut is easily worth more than a hundred bucks a month, but $90 for half a year feels kind of shitty.

On top of all of this price nonsense we’ve also got a nice deal of confusion. I checked out Czech Hitchhikers and PornCZ separately and they have the exact same sign-up page with the exact same prices. However, when I sign up for one it doesn’t mention the other in any way. So, I have to assume that signing up for Czech Hitchhikers gives me access to the entire PornCZ network, but I have absolutely no way to verify this at all. They don’t flat out state it. Usually, there’d be a small snippet on top of the page telling you what you’re getting. This is either genius marketing or it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s hard to talk about the prices when I don’t even know what I’m really getting. If these prices apply to the whole network, then I can very much see why they’re so high. If not, then I have no fucking clue what’s going on. I give these guys two stars out of five for their ability to describe what they’re offering you.