Fake Taxi

Hell yes! I’ve been looking forward to this. I put off this review for a bit, as you sometimes do with the best part of a fap. I blue balled myself and it’s time to bust. How am I even supposed to review a site like FakeTaxi. I mean, what can I tell you about this place that you don’t already know? Sure, I can pretend that this review is only for people who’ve never heard of this site before, but I really don’t think that such people exist at this point, so I’m just going to mix and match at random, however the fuck I feel. I’ll try to do a good job. Don’t judge me, I’m nervous. It’s FakeTaxi for fuck’s sakes.

All right, first things first – the fetish. I don’t… rightfully know. I mean, I have the site under public fetishism right now and will most likely leave it here. If I move it in the future, well, here’s some acknowledgment, so I don’t date my review. Point is, I’m not sure what to do with this place. It’s obviously fetishistic as fuck. I mean, public sex, in a car, with pretend scenarios and some pornstar acting to boot. It’s not exactly vanilla smut. Then again, FakeTaxi is one of the most successful mainstream porn sites, both in how many fans they have and how recognizable their name is. I think they got where they are now on marketing appeal and advertising tactics, but it doesn’t matter. The point is, they’re fetishistic, but at the same time, they fit the vanilla bill. I’m torn, but I don’t care. I have to review this site. It’s too “bread and butter” not to.

The Big Dogs

Let’s talk about the setup, while also pretending you don’t already know more than me about this site. FakeTaxi is a site owned by MindGeek, the biggest name in pornography. They don’t flaunt that particular name, but it’s the company that owns PornHub, Brazzers, YouPorn, and the exclusive rights to your mother’s reproductive organs. MindGeek are diversifying, what can I say. FakeTaxi is now officially an old ass site that specializes in a very narrow imaginary fairy tale of babes taking cab rides, then paying for said cab rides by forgetting where the fuck they were going in the first place and getting fucked for an hour instead. It makes no sense, it’s absurd as fuck, the acting is ridiculous and I absolutely love it. The public must love it too, since it’s been breaking records since the day it came out.

The play is very straightforward and it’s pretty much exactly the same across the countless videos on FakeTaxi. There’s no need to innovate when the formula works perfectly well. A hot babe rides a taxi and makes casual conversation with the driver. The whole thing feels forced and not at all believable. Then, they fuck. It’s interesting how porn that is extremely believable is as good as porn that is completely ridiculous, but the in-between usually sucks. It’s as if these girls already know in advance that they’re not good actresses, so they don’t even try too hard. The play isn’t the focal point here. The sex is.

Hottest Women in Porn

The beauties that get featured on FakeTaxi cannot be beaten. I don’t mean literally. I mean as in competition. There isn’t any competition. Every single porn star worth her salt has done a FakeTaxi video at least once. I’m seeing Eden Ivy and Rae Lil Black on the front page. Could you really ask for more? At this point, FakeTaxi is sort of a rite of passage for popular pornstars. Being on FakeTaxi is basically their proof of fuckability. If you see a bitch in these videos, then you know she’s hot shit.

I’m a man with an exquisite palate for pussy and even I can’t find a single thing to complain about among the babes on FakeTaxi. These bitches are the crème de la crème of pornography. They’re the hottest women that have ever existed, period. Sometimes I wish I was running FakeTaxi so that I could drag my cock through a fucking procession of the hottest women on the planet. Then again, I do the same thing in my day to day life, but not with pornstars. I want to fuck pornstars, damn it. FakeTaxi, hire me? I have a huge cock. Please? I’ll be gentle.

Gets Repetitive After a While

If there’s anything to complain about, you can bet your ass that I’ll find it. I might have been verbally sucking FakeTaxi off for the past ten paragraphs, and yet, they are not safe from criticism. None shall escape my brutal review skills. The only real downside to FakeTaxi is the repetitiveness. I don’t mean the fact that they have the exact same scenario in every video. That’s to be expected. I mean they don’t innovate in terms of the sex. It’s all the same bullshit in every video. Sure, it’s fun as fuck the first time around, no matter which babe you’re watching, but after the tenth video or so, you start to think that maybe they should do something other than vaginal penetration with the camera zoomed in on the guy’s cock?

Seriously. I know that the formula works and what not, but they could afford to get a bit original. Maybe some threesomes? Or hell, a chick with a missing leg? Maybe they could get a person who doesn’t speak English? I don’t know, I’m just spit balling here. My point is, this place is in dire need of original additions to what is otherwise perfect content. Then again, I’d venture to bet that the average fapper doesn’t give a shit. You guys probably fap to this smut for five minutes at a time then blow your loads. Did you even notice they were in a taxi or did you skip the intro and zoom in on the pussy? Sorry, maybe I’m being too mean. I’ve had a long hard day.

It’s Practically Legendary

Did you know that a few years back they tried to auction off one of their used taxi cabs, on eBay of all places? Yeah, it hiked up to 66 thousand pounds before eBay shut the whole thing down on account of there being bodily fluids inside the car. I shit you not, this is an actual real thing that happened. Between the buzz that this generated and the overall inescapable popularity of FakeTaxi, do I really need to sell you on their success? They’re the big dogs and they’re fantastic at what they do. Hell, you’d be silly not to consider signing up for their content. Though, I don’t want to be one of “those people” with the 100% guarantees and all. This smut won’t appeal to everyone. No smut is perfect for absolutely everyone. As always, I recommend that you try before you buy.

I’ll just come right out and say it – the yearly subscription is the best in terms of value, given the content that you know you’re getting with this site. It’s $110 a year. Talk about a fantastic deal, am I right? There’s also a $2 two-day membership tier for the folks among you that want to preview the smut beforehand. I don’t think you get to download any videos with that tier, though. It makes sense, after all. I mean, it was put there for previews, it’s not an actually serious tier. There’s also a 30-day and 3-month variant, but I don’t give a flying fuck about those because they cost $30 and $60 respectively and I wouldn’t recommend them. Shell out for the full discount in advance, or don’t get a subscription. One month of FakeTaxi is not enough.

A Premium Experience

I can’t believe I have to say this, but you get proper premium treatment on FakeTaxi. There is literally no compromise. You get the best videos filmed with the best cameras, by cameramen who actually know what all the buttons on the back of the camera do. Crazy stuff, right? This right here is the Spielberg or Kubrick of pornographic cinema. You get to see parts of these women that even they didn’t know they had. The lenses they use to record these girls cost more than their boob jobs. Not all together, I mean. One lens is more expensive than one boob job, maybe.

You wanna feel like a fap king for a night? Check out FakeTaxi. You want that experience to last a very long time? Get a yearly subscription. You know you want to. And if anyone in your family asks about the expense, well, pretend it’s some sort of transit related expense and hope they buy it.