Evolved Fights

It’s fake! It’s all fake! Oh, wait, of course it’s fake. It’s porn. I got a bit carried away. I saw wrestling and I immediately had to remind everyone that it’s completely fake. Wrestling has never been real, unless it’s one of those MMA things where they don’t really wrestle and they mostly just try to take each other’s heads off. But that’s not really wrestling. Then again, neither is the shit on EvolvedFights. The videos on this site feature the kind of combat you can see in proper classical wrestling – not WWE, actual wrestling, like in ancient times. Except, they completely took out the danger factor by taking the clothes off the participants and having them fuck each other at random moments throughout the fight. And of course, it helps that all of the fighters are pornstars. What a world we live in, am I right?

You’ve got one babe and one dude, both entering the ring, both rather scantily clad, if not outright naked. Their genitals are out and about, flapping in the wind. They fight each other, mostly on the ground, doing all kinds of grabs, twists, flicks and bends, trying to get each other mildly uncomfortable. It’s both the worst and the best wrestling you can find on the internet, depending on what exactly it is you want to see. If you were hoping for a website where gigantic dudes slam women into the ground with the force of a thousand suns, this is not the place for you. Prison might be, though. But I digress. EvolvedFights is a site that expertly pulls of a very original concept that I can very much get behind. It’s not my cup of tea. I’d rather they do this shit in a bed than inside a fucking wrestling ring. But, the whole point of EvolvedFights is that you get to experience a dumb fantasy in an even dumber execution at the hands (and genitals) of pornstars. They’re not paid to act. They’re paid to fuck.

Hot People, High Potential

Charlotte Sartre is on this site. Need I say more? I’ve told you this before; if a website features Charlotte Sartre, that’s your yardstick proving that they know how to spend their money effectively. Everything I said about pornstars being shit at acting goes out the window with this bitch. I don’t know if she has professional experience in improvisational acting or if she’s just permanently insane, but I’ve never seen her half-ass a sex scene. She’s always going wild and indulging in the story, whether she’s dominant, submissive or sandwiched in-between.

On EvolvedFights she mostly just gets bent over, squeezed, pinned and fucked and boy does she love it. Whoever did the casting for this site knew where to look for competent babes. You can’t just throw any random bitch into a ring like this and expect the scene to work. You want them to both look innocent and weak but act like they can generate a lot of power in the ring. This is a hard balance to strike. You also want the babes to be, you know, hot as fuck, so that the viewers would enjoy jacking off to them. EvolvedFights hits all these marks and then some. The dudes are hot too, if you cared about that for some reason. They’re not exactly my type, though. I prefer my dudes… well, off camera. No, not like that. I mean, I want them out of the frame so I can fap to the girl, dummy.

Kind Of Like Tentacle Hentai

Seeing two people laid out on the ground, trying to pretend like they’re struggling to fight each other is damn hilarious. I wanted to love this porn. I really did. It’s just not that arousing. The potential’s there, for sure, but what the fuck am I supposed to fap to? I can barely see any of the action, even when the camera is up close, because there is no real action to focus on. The two folks on screen were clearly instructed to keep rolling in some strange tribute to Limp Bizkit’s 2000 hit song of the same name. I get it. They have to keep the act up, lest the whole thing fall apart. But, surely there’s a better way. They look like two kids in a mud fight.

It looks like tentacle hentai, yes, but with two sets of tentacles and no humans. The appeal of tentacle hentai is that one slimy and elusive creature envelops a human being. Two tentacles together just bring up memories of tangled up headphones. That’s what I’m thinking of when I see these people fucking each other. Headphones. You can’t make this shit up. I swear, I’m not trying to be over-critical on purpose. See for yourself. You get 20 free previews of the extended trailers on EvolvedFights. Check out some of these videos and tell me that this shit looks like hot sex to you. Bullshit. It looks like two casual buddies having a pillow fight. Hell, I’ve seen more fap-worthy pillow fights than this.

Maybe If You Love Wrestling?

This smut could work really well for someone who is specifically interested in wrestling, before ever giving a shit about the actual fucking. I’m going at this porn with the expectation of vaginal penetration and dick sucking. And while I do get to see these things, I feel like I’m being gypped out of a proper experience. Now, if I came at this from another angle and considered the wrestling to be the focal point of my enjoyment, I could see this smut coming in very handy. So, if you’re a diehard wrestling fetishist, you could actually enjoy this place a lot more than I did. Hell, you might consider subscribing, though I wouldn’t go that far.

I was going to say that there are probably no people out there who are diehard wrestling fetishists, but let’s be real here. We know that when it comes to sexual depravity and unnecessarily narrow sexual preferences, there’s always an army of perverts waiting patiently beneath the woodwork to roll out and pretend they were always there to begin with.

We used to think the whole step-sister fetish was a novelty, but it got millions of diehard fans overnight. That type of shit doesn’t happen if those fans weren’t already into the smut from the start. I’m going to guess the same logic applies here with the wrestling on EvolvedFights. This is real raw unfiltered smut after all. It’s not like they’re scamming you or cutting any corners. They’re just being weird as fuck is all. That’s the exact pre-requisite for a fetish explosion on the web. I give this site a month before everyone’s talking about how much they love wrestling porn.

Encouraging Original Porn

Beyond my incessant barking about how this porn isn’t exciting enough lies a painful truth – we need more porn like this. That is, we need more original porn. We’ve been masturbating to cocks in vaginas since time immemorial and that’s all well and good, but we have the internet and near infinite resources at our fingertips. Why not innovate a bit? I warmly encourage this kind of work. It might not be my favorite kind of smut, but surely there will be people out there that find this place exciting. It might be centered on wrestling, but it doesn’t have to appeal to you directly through the wrestling. Hell, maybe you just really like the idea of teasing and repeated position switching.

What I’m trying to say is that I applaud EvolvedFights for taking the same bitches you see on other premium porn sites and having them do something new for once, something they haven’t done before. And if you want the same bitches in a more conventional fuck scene, then just go over to any modern premium porn site that does generic sucks and fucks and you’ll find them in droves. It’s not that hard.

A Bit Pricey

And we’re back to complaining. $33 a month, really? $70 for three? $180 for a year? The fuck kind of discount is that? They even had the audacity to point out that it’s the best price option. Better sites than this charge almost half that. What the fuck do they think they’re achieving with this kind of price point? Is it their way of breaking even? Is their content really that expensive to produce? I’m at a loss for words. I’m also nearing the end of the review so I don’t need that many words to wrap up. Yay.

If you’d like you could purchase these videos individually, with a one-time payment of around $15. This makes less sense than an expensive monthly subscription. Yes, it’s cheaper, but it’s not worth it. If you’re in for just one video, then by all means get the monthly sub and download 10 of them.