ThisVid Farting

Nope, sorry, I’m still surprised. I know I shouldn’t be, but you people manage to get me every single time. I think I’ve seen everything. I think I’ve gone around the block enough times to be ready for just about anything. And then, I see shit like this and I have to wonder: have we gone too far? I mean, as a species? Have we overstayed our welcome in this universe? Is it perhaps time for us to supernova our solar system into oblivion and start over from scratch? Subscribe to my OnlyFans for other such philosophical questions that no-one gives a shit about. There’s something about reviewing fart porn that really motivates me to talk about just about anything else I could possibly think of. I’m dancing around the point because I am unhappy. I just spent the past three hours watching fart porn. I am categorically unhappy.

And here we go; on the other side of the coin, there’s you, the fart-loving chronic masturbator. I’m happy for you. Really, I am. You know what you want out of life. That’s rare shit. Ask any random stranger on the street what they live and die for and they’ll stare at you slack jawed. Not you, though. You’re a fart fetishist. You know exactly what life is about and you cannot be dissuaded. So, for your pleasure and my utter disgust, let’s dive into ThisVid’s fart section and see what’s new in the world of fart porn. I can assure you; you’ll be as surprised as I was when I tell you about the kinds of fucked up and random shit I found on here. This shit goes far beyond fart porn. We’re experimenting with all forms of pornographic depictions here and we have no bigger plan as to where we’re going with all of this.

What The Fuck Is This Shit?

Let’s look at the tippy top of the fart section on ThisVid. What do my porn eyes see? Are those… still images of cartoon characters… with fart sounds put on top? Why yes, they are and they are abundant. Judging by the view count, hundreds of people have already fapped to these videos, if you can call them that. These are straight up just JPEGs of cartoon characters’ asses, with no nudity mind you, and someone has drawn a green  over them to sort of clarify that they are indeed farting.

What I find particularly hilarious is that these videos are marked as HD by ThisVid, because they were uploaded in 1080p, but that only counts for the actual video file. The content is closer to 360p, because these are random fucking images of cartoon characters. How the fuck did it come to this? I used to be somebody. I used to review Mia Malkova videos. What the hell am I doing with my life? Shit, what are you doing with yours? This is someone’s idea of a great time and I just can’t wrap my mind around it. Best I can do is just grit my teeth and get through this nonsense. Just to be clear, I’m not mocking you personally. I’m mocking your boner. Bad boner! Don’t do that anymore!

Stinky Erect Cocks

Have you ever bent down to sniff your own cock and thought to yourself: “Not too bad, but it would be a lot better if it smelled like shit”. You’re in luck. There’s content on here that caters to that exact type of passion. Oh no, I’m not talking about anal sex. That’s the fast track to getting feces on your cock for sure, but that’s not the dream here. No, we just want the smell of shit on the cock, not the actual feel of it. To that end, we need to get ourselves a hot and bothered female specimen who may or may not have had Mexican food recently to fart on our cocks and get them nice and smelly. It’s like reverse deodorant, for your private parts.

For reasons that continue to baffle me, common sense and NASA all at the same time, there are tons of videos on ThisVid that feature hot babes bending over and farting straight onto dudes’ cocks. There are clothed various, BDSM variations, up-close videos and wide shots, all showcasing the beauty of a guy getting his cock covered in farts. Just farts. No shit here. We’re only interested in the gasses. I find it hilarious how we’re basically enjoying smell porn over video and audio. It’s impossible, but we play pretend. Honestly, I’m glad we can’t transfer smells over digital form, else this review would have literally killed me.

Bloated Ladies Going Wild

There are countless babes on here who are stretching the limits of their imagination to mad extents. They’re the kind of babes you wouldn’t really gawk at in the street. They’re what I like to call average, so by my standards they’re underwhelming, but they get the job done. I really don’t think that fart fetishists care about their bitches being 100% peak perfection. They’ll take what they can get. Am I wrong?

Anyways, plain-faced as these babes may be, they’re damn devoted to fart fetishism. They write and direct their own smut in which they basically invent new ways to fart on things. They also look for new ways to record this shit and try to squeeze some appeal out of the action. That’s how we ended up with a fuckton of videos on ThisVid featuring all kinds of closeups and wide-angle shots of spicy farts that are sure to impress even the most experienced of fart fetishists.

There’s a video on here of a babe eating pizza and farting at the camera at the same time, in order to really put you in touch with the whole process. You get to see it enter and by golly do you get to see it leave. I don’t know how this fits within the whole fart fetishism spectrum. Like I said, I’m not sure where the arousal actually comes from. Either way, I’m sure you fuckers are going to find this shit super arousing. If you like farts, you must also enjoy the process of making farts, right? I’m curious – do you get aroused when you watch people eating beans?

Everyone Farts, Sometimes

This whole farting for porn trend has spread far and wide. I’m seeing Korean bitches as well as Gwen from Ben 10 featured on ThisVid. That’s how you know you’ve got a melting pot on your hands. Everyone has the right to far. It just dawned on me that for the longest time there has been this joke about women never actually farting. ThisVid is a testament to the gastric pressures of women everywhere. In a way that makes this a feminist porn section. Women do indeed fart and by golly you are going to worship them for it. If you can do it while stroking, well, that’s all the better.

At this point it shouldn’t surprise you to hear that there are indeed videos of ponies from My Little Pony farting on this site. Bronies have been spreading so rapidly lately that my copy of Microsoft Word didn’t even catch the term “bronies” as a mistake. Maybe I’ve added it to my dictionary in the past, but either way – this is hilarious. Bronies are a staple of online depravity and watching videos of Fluttershy passing juicy farts at you is now considered normal porn for normal people. Oh, how far we’ve come as a society.

The Video Quality Varies Wildy

Not all farts are made equal. Sometimes a babe will fart in your face, other times you have to make do with listening to her farts over a walkie-talkie. You gotta take what you can get. With that attitude in mind, you’ll have a great time fapping to fart porn on ThisVid, because this place embodies the principle of “beggars can’t be choosers”. For most of these videos, the versions you see here are the original uncut and uncensored versions that cannot be found in a better quality elsewhere. Sure, a few of the professionally produced smut could probably be found in a better quality on a premium site somewhere, but for the most part you’re looking at homemade amateur fart port. This shit was low res by design.

That being said, it’s not something you can complain about and it’s certainly not something that ThisVid should be judged for. They’ve done their job, and then some. They’ve brought you over six hundred pages of proper fart content including but not limited to group sex, cartoons, lesbians, sniffing, cock farting and many more original depravities that I wish I could scrub from my memory. Unfortunately, I’ll most likely be back next week reviewing fart porn on another website. Until then, fap to this shit and please don’t talk to me. I’m recovering from emotional trauma.