MatureVan

Mature Van! I like MILFs as much as the next guy, but I wasn’t ready for what MatureVan had in stock for me. Seriously, this shit is off the hook. At first, I thought this was a Czech production, judging by the overwhelming European vibes and the fact that these babes are clearly aspiring B-tier porn actresses who seem a bit too talented for the role. European babes are naturally better at sucking cock. I don’t know why; I’m not an anthropologist. Maybe it’s something in the water. Anyways, I was a bit off with my prediction – this is actually Dutch porn. I would have noticed the difference if I had bothered to look at the dudes, but I obviously disregarded the dudes completely, because I’m not really here for them. I gave them a second look and sure enough, they are as Dutch as the day is long. We’ll get into what that means in a bit.

Suffice it to say, MatureVan goes hard with both the action and the casting. You can tell that someone really cared. This place is far from the best MILF-centric site out there, but that only really depends on your expectations and your personal definitions of MILF porn. If you’re in the market for 40-year-old busty blondes who look like they could pass for 25 on a good day, then you’re in the wrong place. Dutch MILFs are proper aunties, if that statement makes any sense to you. My point is, they’re genuinely older and unmistakably mature. They don’t play dumb. They’re here to consume young cock like it’s going out of style and as they are much older than the dudes, they have no reason to hold back whatsoever. Being coy and playing hard to get are young women’s games. Older bitches, especially European ones, have no chill. Also, lest I miss my opportunity to turn a phrase – European pussy ages like fine wine.

Frodo Vs. Mommy Dearest

Remember Frodo? From Lord of The Rings? He was a hobbit you see – small human-like creature with giant feet and a funny face. Compared to humans, adult hobbits look like children with adult faces. That’s what you can expect to see on MatureVan. I’m not kidding. For reasons that remain unclear to me and the universe, Dutch dudes in porn tend to look exactly like Frodo. I’m dead serious. Check out MatureVan’s homepage and you’ll see for yourself. These guys look oddly misshapen, undeniably small and all around goofy. It’s not that they’re short – I don’t give a crap about that. It’s that they straight up look like they’re sideshows in a circus.

There’s also this one dude in the image previews on the main banner that I swear I’m going to have nightmares about. The dude looks like he just hit puberty, but for some reason all of his growth hormones went into his lips. He looks like one of those old-school blow-up dolls – the ones you can get for a dollar from any sex shop. This is terrifying shit. If there are three naked women on screen and I’m focused on being freaked out by a dude’s lips, you know something’s gone terribly wrong. I’m a very pussy-obsessed person. I’m not an easy mark to distract. And yet, these dudes do a fine job at making me forget I was ever horny.

FakeTaxi, With More Pussy

You must have seen FakeTaxi’s work already. It’s all-over the internet. One babe gets into a cab, rides it for a while, then admits she doesn’t have any money, so she has sex with the driver instead. This kind of car pickup porn has been spearheaded by Czech productions for the most part for the past 20 years. They keep innovating but they focus on single girl porn. The girl is in a submissive faux jeopardy and one or more dudes are here to provide a good dicking. MatureVan brings you the exact opposite combination of humans. You get one guy, in a submissive position, in the back of a van and he’s being ferried around with a bunch of rabid older women who could easily just be swapped out with hyenas at this point. They act like the cure to all that ails them can only be found inside a young man’s balls and by golly, they’re going to do anything it takes to extract it. They suck hard, ok?

The back-of-the-van setup works really well for several reasons, not the least of which is that this shit has to be filmed up close. The camera has to physically be present in the vehicle, so the cameraman doesn’t really have a lot of room to navigate. He can’t take a wide-shot to save his life. The van is tiny. But there are several women in the shot at all times, so a wide shot is kind of mandatory. The end result of this experimentation is a very interesting combo of wide-angle lenses in a tight space. You do indeed get to see everything on screen at once, but as the girls move around, it feels as if they’re basically up against your face. There’s just barely enough room to fit all of their pussies on screen and whenever they so much as turn around you feel like they’re going to poke your eye out with one of their nipples. This does wonders for my immersion. I feel like these babes are right in front of me.

Classy Ladies with Dirty Minds

Back on the topic of Dutch babes, I gotta talk about how these girls or should I say ladies perform within these scenes. You know that by the end of every clip they’re going to be naked and inhaling cock, but let’s dial it back a bit and look at the start of an average video. You’ve got several babes, going for some sort of trip in the back of a van. The first thing I noticed is that these bitches are surprisingly classy, for older ladies or in general. I’m used to MILFs in this kind of porn looking kind of whorish and cheap. Then again, most MILF porn I watch is way more western than this. I’m not used to women in porn being classy in general.

These women don’t have to do a lot of acting. Their job within every scene is pretty straightforward. Still, they do an awful lot of acting with their faces. They give off strong authoritative vibes, as if they’re on their way to some high-end art gallery and they’re willing to spare some time in-between to extract a young man’s sperm. You should know by now that I much prefer younger bitches to women in their 40s, at least visually, and yet, these babes really do it for me. I’d rather have one of these mommies than a slutty 25-year-old broad who’s just going to whore around my bed. Dignity and grace can be arousing as fuck, as long as you don’t fake them. These women were clearly queens in another life. There’s no way around it.

Part of a Network

Pros and cons, boys and girls. Pros and cons. On the one hand, you get a hundred times as much porn as you expected to get for your subscription, on the other, there’s no way to pay for MatureVan without getting the whole kit and caboodle. I have a very specific rule for this kind of porn marketing. Basically, if the price of the entire network is acceptable for a single website, in this case MatureVan, then the network approach is a gift, not a curse. On the other hand, if they want to milk you for every last penny in order to allow you to watch a single video under the network, then this whole project’s a blight. So, where does MatureVan stand?

I give them my gold star. $120 for a yearly subscription. This is how you do business. You see, I would gladly pay that amount of money for access to MatureVan alone. Instead, I get an entire network’s worth of smut on top of it. I love everything about this. By the way, you can get a 6-month sub for $90 and a single month will cost you $30. Obviously, I don’t like these tiers when there’s a perfectly affordable yearly sub up for grabs. Unfortunately, MatureVan doesn’t actually offer any detailed previews of their content before you sign up and there’s no daily test tier either. So, unless you want to preview their content on third party porn tubes, you’ll have to dive in blindly. The monthly sub is probably the way to go if you’re just looking to try MatureVan out for a bit.