Whipped Women

There are some immutable truths in this universe that we must learn to respect. Fish swim in the sea, the sky is blue, and guys love hurting bitches. We can't help it. It's built into our programming.

Now, I'm not talking about beating up a cunt because dinner got cold. I'm talking about throwing a bitch over your shoulder, taking her to the bedroom, and giving her a mixture of pain and pleasure that she will never forget.

A Dish Best Served Cold

While that is one hundred percent true, I don't think you guys get it. As men whose only sexual experiences come through porn, you guys don't understand how to mix pain and pleasure. You all think pain leads to pleasure, but that's untrue.

Pain is like properly salted food. The salt doesn't provide the flavor. It enhances it. Pain is only good if the dish is well seasoned already, and you motherfuckers have no idea how to season a pussy. It's like a white guy trying to cook soul food. It rarely works out well.

Why do pain and sexual pleasure go together like peanut butter and jelly? My best guess is that the combination is utterly overwhelming to the nervous system. Your body doesn't know what to do with the situation, and fun ensues.

I'm genuinely sorry that you guys won't be able to experience this shit in your lifetime. Perhaps you'll be reborn as a much more fuckable man in your next life. If I were you, I would try to rack up all the good karma you can on the off chance that it affords you a better body after death. 

In the meantime, while you wait for the reaper, you should masturbate as often as possible. To assist you in that endeavor, may I present WhippedWomen.

Whipped Women know more than most about how potent the combo of pain and pleasure can be. They take that knowledge and provide visitors with the most realistic and visceral whipping porn experience the universe has to offer. It's not as good as real ass and pussy, but it will do in a pinch.

Those are Midgets, Not Kids. And That Deer is Fresh

The web design on Whipped Women reflects the day and age we are in. While perfectly functional on lap and desktop, it is optimized for mobile phone and tablet use. It has the tell-tale wide borders surrounding the strip of content down the middle.

That's just fine with me. I estimate that my own porn watching is split fifty-fifty between home and mobile use. I have a feeling that the average man spends more time watching porn on his phone than anything else. 

That goes doubly so if the guy has a wife and family. You don't want your partner and young daughter walking in on you watching two Albanian midgets face fucking a deer corpse while you're balls deep in a toilet paper tube stuffed with lubricated cotton balls. Those are the kind of formative memories your child will have to talk to a therapist about when she's forty, single, and confused by her elderly dwarf fetish.

The main menu hangs out near the top of the site and includes the options Previews, Members, Join, Partner, and Webmasters. Before getting into the meat of Whipped Women, I should warn you that this is a paid premium porn site. This shit isn't your everyday average shitty tube site. If you want grade-A top-notch porn, you'll have to invest.

Whipped Women offers ten different pricing options, so users may choose which works best for them. I'm not going to cover them all, but I'll touch base with what I think are the best options for my readers.

For those on the fence about becoming a regular member, you can enjoy a trial period of one month for $34.95. After that, if you want the service, it will drop down to a recurring payment of $29.95 a month. Not terrible, but too expensive for my tastes.

Those looking for a longer trial period can take advantage of the fifty-five-day trial for $55.95. That's a more appropriate trial length, but it's still an expensive option. I'm a paid member of hundreds of porn sites, so I don't like overspending.

If you've decided that you enjoy Whipped Women, you can get a sixty-day recurring member for $59.95 on the first month and $49.95 a month thereafter. That brings things down to twenty-five bucks a month, which, oddly enough, is your cheaper option.

I say "oddly enough" because they also offer a ninety-day recurring membership, but it works out to a little over twenty-six bucks a month. That's a bit fucking retarded, but maybe they think people won't do the math. They didn't expect such a meticulous porn watcher as The Porndude.

Webmaster Bait

A fair portion of my readership is porn webmasters themselves. Those of you that fit said description will love that Whipped Women has a webmaster program where you can link their content on your site and split the resulting income down the middle. There are no surprise fees or charges, so when Whipped Women say fifty percent, they mean fifty percent. It's a great way to maximize the profitability of your website.

Let's put down the minutiae and check out the awesome content on Whipped Women, starting with "Ruined Hairs." Jessica has only recently gotten her barbers license and is still working out the kinks of her new profession. But despite her newbie status, she was still able to secure a job at a reputable shop in town.

Things are going perfectly well at first until she makes a major mistake. While using the buzz cutter on the back of Striker's head, she accidentally cut a huge swather of his hair clean off. She tries to hide her mistake, but it only makes the error painfully obvious.

Striker doesn't fuck around with his hair, so he is incensed by the situation. He demands retribution, and there is only one way he can think of providing it; with a leather whip and a huge boner.

For a moment, Striker wonders if he is about to take this punishment too far, but he shakes those sinful thoughts out of his head and pushes forward by hoisting Jessica into the air upside down. She is about to wish she had become anything else but a hairdresser.

Once suspended, Striker pulls out his whip with a single length of leather meant to dig deep into a bitches flesh. While Striker starts on the back, he has no plans of staying there. By the time he is done, every inch of Jessica will have been whipped.

That's why he makes sure to spread Jessica's legs a bit when suspending her so that her pussy is an easy target. He wants clear access to her most sensitive body parts. I bet she regrets that fresh wax she's rocking. A little bit of pubic hair might have protected her under grundle.

"Deep Forest" is another title worth mentioning here. Foxy has been a lousy tenant. She hasn't paid her rent in months, and the apartment is a fucking mess. The landlord has had it with her bullshit. It's time to go down there and show this bitch who she is fucking with.

When he arrives at Foxy's apartment, her boyfriend is there. One would think the boyfriend would protect his lady from the abuse of a landlord, but that pussy runs away the moment he sees the landlord coming. Damn. That guy deserves to never fuck again.

Now the busty Foxy is left all alone with no way to defend herself against the coming onslaught. The landlord is going to enjoy every last second of his retribution. Never forget to pay rent. What am I talking about? You motherfuckers live with your parents.

The furious landlord tosses Foxy in his truck and drives her out deep into the woods, where no one can hear her scream. Once there, he chains her to a tree to guarantee that there is no escaping his beating.

Today, the landlord brought his big guns, also known as the bullwhip. The bullwhip is the most fearsome of whips due to its length and girth. That's why I call my cock the bullwhip. This is going to be a beating the world never forgets.

Women love pain, men love dishing out pain, and we both love sex. That's what makes Whipped Women such a hard-hitting porn site. It strikes at the heart of our genitals and brings about massive erections that no man could deny.

The only fault I can see on Whipped Women is the odd pricing. Why wouldn't the longest service terms equate to the lowest price? Twenty-five is still a bit much. I'd like to see it come down closer to twenty.

You'll never get to whip a bitch in real life, so watch some alpha men live the dream on Whipped Women.