xHamster Fart

Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Every night I can feel my boner and my blue balls, even my prostate. The time I’ve lost. The fart porn I’ve seen. It won’t stop hurting. It’s like I can still smell it everywhere I go. You’ve suffered fart porn too, haven’t you?

Why Farts Though?

It’ll never cease to amaze me – the kind of smut you people have me reviewing. I’m the self-proclaimed king of smut, but I didn’t know when I donned the mantle that half of my time would be spent watching naked people do non-sexual things. Half of all smut out there seems to have nothing to do with having sex and yet you freaks won’t stop masturbating. Look, I’m happy for you, I am. It’s just, I can’t not acknowledge the fact that this kind of smut is fucking strange. Most of the shit that we do for sexual pleasure is evolutionary. Animals do it too, you know. Fart porn just doesn’t fit any of our natural instincts. Can you imagine a bunch of chimps hanging out and farting in each other’s faces for sexual satisfaction? I mean, I know they fling their own shit, but that’s for combative purposes. They don’t get off to that.

Humans on the other hand are a rare breed. We masturbate to the weirdest fucking crap. Fart porn is pretty high up on the list of things I talk about daily and yet do not understand in the slightest. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve learned all about fart porn and what makes the average fart fetishist tick, but I’m working off of memory, not intuition. Intuitively, I don’t understand what the fuck is wrong with you people. What I do know for a fact is that I aim to please. I cover everything. No-one forced me to talk about fart porn. I chose this life. So, without further ado, let’s get into XHamster.

XHamster is Timeless

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, XHamster is a backup porn tube site. It’s rarely my first go-to, when I’m doing unchecked fapping sessions and yet I always end up there when other mainstream porn tubes bore me. It’s the kind of site that exists to ensure that there’s always a backup library of smut to back you up when you run out of inspiration. It’s also far more random than places like PornHub which works in the site’s favor. The randomness of the results, across the fart section and in general makes it much easier for the average fapper to get lost among its pages. You come here for the fart porn, but you get lost in the sauce. There are different kinds of fart porn and a lot of potential for experimentation in-between.

The upside of fapping to fart porn on XHamster lies in this randomness. Fart porn is defined by the farting, obviously, but there’s little definition about what comes after or before or even in-between. There’s no clear-cut expectation of genders or other adjoining fetishes. We’re looking at the straight section of XHamster so naturally you can expect to see at least one woman in every video, no matter what, but beyond that you have no fucking clue what you might see. As for the related fetishes, you’d assume that similarly gross trends like scat or diaper porn might be a natural fit, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. 

I’ve noticed this with other similar fetishes as well – the crowd prefers watching the fetish they asked for, without mixing of other similar fetishes. They are, however, very receptive of mainstream elements like lesbianism, anal sex, vaginal penetration, blowjobs and even some more topical shit like ASMR, massages and role-playing. So, I guess fart porn is kind of a step on the scatological ladder and the people fapping to this smut want to stay on that step and not a single degree higher or lower. Silent farts don’t count. The babes have to let them rip loudly and proudly.

Girls Fart Wild

Boy, do these girls rip some mad loud farts. One thing I wasn’t expecting was the girls being proud about the work they’re doing. I mean, they’re proud of their gigantic farts. What the hell is going on here? Farts aren’t arousing. I guess there’s mild pressure on the anus when you let one rip, but that’s not enough to tickle your fuck bone. Farts are just … gas. These babes are smiling from ear to ear, cackling maniacally about the majesty of their farts, like they’ve just shat out a fucking golden egg or something. I feel terribly out of the loop here. Maybe the babes are just happy imagining all the money they’re going to make when the fart fetishists find their videos online and fork over the dough. That must be it.

Let’s talk a bit about the overlaps I did find on XHamster. First of all, there’s a lot of cum play here. More than I expected to find. The cum ends up on women’s faces, of course, but more often than not I see it going inside women’s assholes. The bitches keep the cum deep within their gaping holes and they prance around proud of the semen they’ve collected. Ultimately, they fart the semen out. Sometimes they fart the semen onto themselves or in their hands, other times they fart it straight onto the faces of other babes. You can think of this as fart porn mixed with facials and blowjobs. Also, there’s anal – naturally. That’s how the cum is delivered initially.

Mixing With Other Genres

There’s also an abundance of gaping porn and general anal experimentation on XHamster’s farting section. This is one of the appropriate lateral topics, because it allows for a lot of fart porn to be made, without any compromise on the fetish. You still get a ton of farting and sometimes it’s augmented with cum and other similar genital liquids that gather over the duration of the fucking. All in all, this is a very nice porn section, whether you’re into farts or not. It’s mostly thanks to the mixing and matching.

Now, on the flip side, if you’re a diehard fart fetishist and you won’t stand for any overlaps or genre spins, then you’ll find that around half of all the content on XHamster fits your preferences exactly. These are the videos that I personally can’t get behind, but I gather that they’re the videos that a lot of you came to see. There are babes and there are farts. That’s about it. These videos are usually rather short, but you’ll find quite a few that pass the ten-minute mark. The babes can’t be expected to keep farting for so long, at least, not continuously. But they make do with what they’ve got and they provide as many farts as possible before they pass the fuck out from over exertion.

Real Girls, Real Farts, Real Regret

I’m thinking these bitches probably scarf down a lot of beans before they do these scenes in order to get properly gassy for the performance. You think farts are easy, but that’s because you’re used to holding them in. imagine if you were encouraged to fart as much as possible. You’d run out of ammunition in under five minutes. I guarantee it. It takes a long time to recharge the old gas chamber. I’m guessing that’s why a lot of these videos feature multiple girls at a time. They can hot swap as the farts come in. One girl farts, the other recharges and then they switch places. It’s a decent system.

I’m not the best person to be reviewing the overall quality of the farts in these videos, but I do know pornography really well and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that XHamster’s farting section is glorious. The smut on here is all free, obviously, and the place is loaded with content. You’ve got more clips on here than you could enjoy in a single lifetime. Hell, all of the farts on XHamster are probably responsible for half of the carbon dioxide in our atmosphere. Just imagine how much cleaner the atmosphere would be if it weren’t for fart fetishists. Alas, we must have our farts, lest we run out of hard boners, am I right?

Check out XHamster’s fart section. You don’t have to be a fart fetishist to enjoy it, but it is in fact recommended. Half of this content is unwatchable if you’re just looking for a casual fap. It’s fetishistic stuff. The anal gape and cum play videos are fun for the whole family, though. Ultimately, the choice is up to you.