HeavyFetish

Heavy Fetish! If you haven’t noticed, people are fucking freaky. We love finding new and innovative ways to bone each other. The combination of sentience and a need to breed leads to some disturbing results. It would seem that the more intelligent a species gets, the wilder its sex is. Perhaps that process needs a scientific name. Can we call it PornDude theory?

As men became more intelligent, they viewed the penis as another tool. We discovered that it could do more than get a bitch pregnant. It can be an arbiter of pleasures so intense that it’s worth dedicating a large portion of our mental power to achieving.

And over the years, we have done just that. Man can make everything sexy. I don’t think anything lays beyond the realms of possibility. Given infinite time, we would develop infinite fetishes. Isn’t it great being a human male?

Let’s peek at a few leaps man has taken in searching for infinite fetishes. As the name suggests, nasolingus is arousal to sucking on someone’s nose. I think humans are willing to suck anything appendage-like that hangs off the body. Everything is game, from fingers and toes to ears and noses. I personally have never had my nose sucked on, and I don’t plan on doing it soon, but if a bitch asked while I was balls deep, I’m not saying no.

I have to imagine that shit isn’t comfortable. If your nostrils are included in this sucking, it will pull air out of your lungs in a manner I can’t imagine is fun. But, compared to some of the other fetishes out there, this one is innocent enough.

Downs with the Dickness

A fantastic example of innocence lost is devotism. Devotism is arousal to the cognitively impaired or developmentally delayed. Now I want to be sensitive here, but let me translate that for my readers - it’s when you want to fuck the shit out of some retarded bitches.

I almost didn’t want to bring this one up because I feel like I’m about to change the lives of at least thirty percent of my readers. Retarded people want to fuck also, and I think it’s fair to say that non retarded people have permanently shunned their cocks away from them. Fucking retarded people is a way you could both dump loads and do the Lord’s work.

The world might even be leaning in my readers’ favor. Victoria’s Secret has recently unveiled its first model with down syndrome. It has been met with mixed responses, but many see it as progress. Regardless of her mental state, her body is fucking banging. I would pop one of those tits in my mouth any day.

My official analysis is this: Victoria’s Secret sexualizes women. That’s its whole deal. I masturbated to plenty of Victoria’s Secret mags as a young man. Any model they add to their stable has to be okay with dudes beating off to them. Not even adult dudes. They have to be okay with twelve-year-olds beating off to them. If a twelve-year-old is allowed to jerk off to a bitch with down syndrome, then an adult should be allowed to fuck them.

Plus, let’s be fair here. For all intents and purposes, most of my readership is retarded. I’m not writing scholarly articles for physics professors over here. I don’t have a college degree from Harvard law. I’m writing porn reviews, so I don’t think anyone should be surprised we can look past a large forehead to see the beauty below the neck.

I’m sure I’ve got you as hot and ready as a Little Ceasers pepperoni pizza right now. You should lug that hard cock of yours over to Heavyfetish. I can’t promise you that you’ll find any retarded people, but just about anything else is up for grabs.

Heavyfetish doesn’t fuck with your average fetish porn. They think a little spanking or a footjob is for pussies. These guys only fuck around with extreme content that would make the average man shutter. When you’re done jerking off on Heavyfetish, you’ll be able to hear your Grandma crying about it from her grave.

The main menu runs along the top, although the bottom menu also has some essential selections. Up top, we have the options Home, a Search bar, Latest, Top rated videos, Most viewed video, Categories, Tags, Pornstars, Fetish community, and Upload videos. At the bottom, there’s Home, Sign up, Log in, Support, and Terms.

One might not expect it, but the fetish community is one of the most accepting and understanding communities. Shit like BDSM requires a lot of trust in your partner. That trust has to be built, and it’s built on the foundation of a tight-knit tribe.

Thumbnails on the front page are listed by what’s being watched right now. Who would have thought that after all this talk about the disabled, I would find a video titled “Facial Abuse - Mental Retrogression.” For a second, I thought this bitch would pretend like she got herself fucked retarded, but it’s more like she got fucked into being a mindless fuck machine. She loses all sense of her humanity and succumbs to her reptilian brain. That’s far enough for me.

Load Bearing

I don’t watch much Bukkake porn, but I’ll watch the best of any genre, and this film is titled “Premium Bukkake - Safira,” so assume that means it’s the finest bukkake around. First off, I want to give credit to whoever decided to keep a load counter in the right-hand corner. It has space for both total loads and total loads swallowed. I would hate to do both, stroke my cock and count how many loads have gone down her gullet. As you guessed, I’m not a numbers guy.

Many fetishes are centered around humiliation, and few are as humiliating as a fart fetish. Farting on someone lets them know you have zero respect for that motherfucker. Especially if it’s on the face. And I’ll let you in on a little secret: it’s always on the face.

That includes the tantalizing film “Brazil Fetish Films Tamarahs Atomic Farts.” Two ladies are featured in this video, with one sitting on the other’s face and releasing a deluge of stinky disgusting farts. While this is supposed to be fetish content, it does not appear that anyone is enjoying themselves.

I have to wonder what they feed these bitches to get them to fart so much. It’s far more than just a bowl of beans could provide. There must be some sort of fart drug you can get from your local ecstasy dealer.

The technology used in some fetishes is impressive. The stars of “Rubber Eva Rubber Dildo Gassing Part 04” have created quite the contraption. One bitch is in a full rubber gimp suit with an attached gas mask. The other bitch has attached a dildo to the hollow tube sprouting from the end of the gas mask. She inserts said dildo and starts fucking herself silly. Presumably, the pussy fumes waft up the tube and force the bitch in the gimp suit to live off a diet of vagina air. The only thing I can think to say about that is, “cool.”

One of the most viewed videos on Heavyfetish is “Please Little Bug, Come in my Pussy.” This shit is every bit as horrifying as the name suggests. However, I was at least happy to see that the bugs they use are little potato bugs, aka rolly pollies. If it were spiders, I would be out of here.

The bugs start with a bit of foreplay, as one does. This means crawling around a bitch’s nipples while contained by an upside-down wine glass for a potato bug. I assume they chose a wine glass because these are some classy motherfuckers. Of course, once the nipples are appropriately played with, they move on to the pussy. Eventually, her lips are spread so the bugs can be poured right inside.

On a level of one to ten, how hard are you right now? An eleven?! You naughty boys. Heavyfetish has one of the widest selections of fetish porn you will come across. Not only will you enjoy the extreme content, but the web design makes getting around a breeze. While ads play before a video, there are no pop-ups to get in your way and muddy the waters.

Most of the place is well developed, but the only section that needs work is the community. It’s a bit confusing to look at, and as a result, it’s not particularly active. However, they could have a thriving fetish community on the site with a touch of effort.

Farts, anyone? How about some insects? Whatever it is you want to crawl on you, you can get your fix on Heavyfetish.