Happy Tugs

There are few things in the world that feel better on the body than massage. Basically, the only competition is sex. That's why when you combine sex and massage, it's such a potent combo. It's like turning your whole body into a giant penis. Wouldn't you love to be able to tell bitches that your penis is five foot eleven?

Rubbing Every Inch

If you have ever had a regular massage, then you know the deal. It's all relaxing except the hiding your boner part. I've mastered the art, but that's not to say the occasional slip-up doesn't occur. Fortunately, my alpha status means that the exposure of my erection at a massage studio usually leads to sex with one or more of the masseuses. God damn. It sure is good to be me.

Something tells me that you guys have never gone for a regular massage. You fucks either don't get them or are on an all-hand job massage diet. I feel that energy, guys. Having a woman rub her hands all over your body and then not tug your cock is tough. It's tantamount to torture. The geneva conventions roll in their grave at the thought.

Let's be honest, though. A lot of you motherfuckers don't leave the house unless that bitch is on fire. All you do is play Fortnight, jerk off, and order chipotle. That's a bust schedule, so I understand why you wouldn't have time for a hand job. And I definitely understand why you don't have the money for one.

It's a damn shame, but most of my readers are damn shames. That's why I hunt down porn websites that can replace the actual experience with one you can have in your mother's basement. For that, I present to you HappyTugs.

Happy Tugs is a URL under the ownership of the much-loved Reality Kings. These guys have a shit ton of websites under their umbrella. Much like The Lion King, wherever the sun touches is their kingdom. 

Reality Kings is one of the most trusted porn sites on the market, so whenever they take on a project, you know they will crush it, and Happy Tugs is no different.

SHHHH

I have a secret to tell you. Massage porn is one of my favorite categories. I love when bitches are all lubed up. It highlights every sexy detail of a bitches body. It also turns everything into a pussy. Just rub your dick on whatever surface of her body is closest, and you're having a good time.

Massage bitches also tend to be in shape. They are a healthy bunch who pay a lot of attention to their bodies. From clear skin to shapely bodies, I'm rarely disappointed without a massage therapist's looks.

Plus, most importantly of all, they are body experts. They know every move to extract every drop of pleasure from every tissue in your body. It's as close to ecstasy as you can get without joining the rave scene.

Happy Tugs has captured all of my favorite aspects of massage porn, like lightning in a bottle. Of course, this bottle is well organized because every website Reality Kings builds is well designed. They are masters of the craft and students of the game.

The main menu sits up top and includes the options Home, Videos, Girls, Sites, Categories, Search bar, Log in, and Join now. Below the main menu is a filter designed to assist your search for the perfect massage porn video. It allows you to sort content by Site, Collection, Models, Categories, Release date, Top Rated, Most viewed, or Title.

Remember that Reality kings have a massive network of porn sites. You can actually use this filter to search through all of them at once. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how much porn that is.

As with most Reality King content, Happy Tugs is behind a paywall. However, this is one of the shortest paywalls you'll ever come across. First off, they offer a wonderful trial period of two days for only one buck. That should give you plenty of time to figure out if Happy Tugs is suitable for you.

If you decide it is, you have three different membership options to choose from. For $29.99, you can get one month plus one month free. That's only $14.99 a month, which is the most expensive option as of writing this article. 

Alternatively, you could get a one-year membership with six months free for $6.66 a month. It turns out that the mark of the beast is just shaft chaffing from jerking off too much.

The final and best option is a five-year membership for only $229.99. That works out to be only $3.83 a month. It might as well be free at that point. Trust me. No matter which payment plan you choose, you will get your money's worth.

Long Weeks Lead to Hard Dicks

Let's take a peek at some of the content that makes Happy Tugs worth your nickel starting with "Mena, the Marvellous Masseuse," starring Mena Li and Jake Clark. The Gods have seen it fit to favor Jake on this fine day because his massage therapist is one of the sexiest around. And not only is Mena sexy, she knows what she's doing. 

As she leads Jake to the massage table, he cannot help but take in her body's natural curves. This bitch is voluptuous and vivacious. Her tits barely fit into her tiny green shirt. To put the icing on the cake, her cake is glorious. I want to spend the rest of my life spanking it over and over again until I hit the bone.

As the massage starts and Mena teases away the pain from his aching muscles, she keeps pressing her body against his. She is a bit short, so at first, Jake thinks it's part of the process, albeit a very arousing one. But soon, it becomes clear that this is part of Mena's plan to get a big tip. Well, she is going to have to do more than rub her body against him if she wants a big tip.

That's no problem for Mena. She loves to show off how skilled her mouth and hands are when handling a cock. I hope he brought plenty of tip cash. This bitch is about to earn it.

When it comes to full-service massage therapists, Asian bitches are the gold standard. I'm not sure if it's in their blood or if all Asian moms teach their daughters how to decimate cock, but whatever it is, I'm glad it's happening. 

That's why "Sublime Asian Massage," starring Akemi Rose and Brad Knight, is one of the best videos on Happy Tugs. Much like every other Asian massage therapist out there, Akemi is constantly horny. She doesn't just do this job for the money. She does it to soak up as much cock as she can.

Brad had honestly come in to get his sore back worked on, but the moment Akemi got to work, so did his cock. It was hard as a rock. He could barely pay attention to the massage. Finally, he can't take it anymore and looks up at her with knowing eyes, and he can immediately tell that this bitch loves sucking and fucking dick.

He knows what must be done, so Brad takes a wad out of his wallet to tip her with, and Akemi gets right to work. She starts things off slow with a hand job but doesn't waste too much time before hopping on his cock and riding it like a bike.

Speaking of Asian bitches, "Riley Rubs with Love," starring Riley Roman and Damon Dice, is another fantastic bit of content on Happy Tugs. Damon had a tough week at work but knew what the weekend cure would be. A massage from his favorite Asian masseuse. 

Riley starts by lubing his whole body and rubbing his shoulders, but she is down to go farther if he has the tip money. The cock rubbing is nice, and all, but Damon had a terrible week, so he needs more than hands. Damon tosses her some more cash, and she removes her sundress and puts her mouth on his cock. This is more like it.

But Riley isn't done yet. All this cock rubbing and sucking has her wet as the Nile, so she peels her panties off and sits downs on his Rod. Damon has now officially recovered from his bad week.

I love Happy Tugs. All you need to know is that Happy Tugs is the property of Reality Kings. Everything those motherfuckers do is gold. 

I'm unsure what these bastards could improve upon. I suppose they could expand the filter a bit, but she still works fine as is. Like I said, Reality Kings know what the fuck they are doing.

So take advantage of their skill and go jerk off on Happy Tugs today.